my dad gets angry/mad when my mom goes to her friend ... what to do?

"The Devil makes use of idle hands"

I used to have a GF whos parents had the same arguments.

The difference may have been, when the mother went out with her friends, there was almost always alcohol involved, and that upset the father.
I think another factor may be plain old jealousy. Dad's left alone and jealous, bored, lonely, whatever, so he gets pissed off. He needs a hobby.
Spend some time with him, maybe buy a vintage car or bike or something and work on it together, or go watch sports somewhere, etc...In no time he'll wish mom left him alone more.

Mind your own business and stay out of your parent's affairs. FOcus on your own happiness because ultimately, that's all your have that matters.

Not saying this is the right way to handle it.. but when my mom goes out with friends, she makes sure dad is 'taken care of'. Food made, ready to re-heat with instructions, house clean etc, so he's happy.

That said, its part of the reason I would never want to 'work at home' business. No separation between work and home life, so you bring the grumpy home.

There is some massive ignorance in this tread, sad. Obviously many of you have never had divorced or near divorced parents and have zero clue about the effect of such a breakup on the children in the household.

To the OP, my advice would be to sit down with both of them and explain how what they are doing is making you feel. I pray it doesn't escalate and you are forced to make a decision with who to live with.

Take it from me, it's choice one can look back on forever.

Originally Posted by win-star

One day in the week (during the weekend) once or twice a month my mom usually plans (occasionally last minutes decisions) and go out with her friends because usually on saturdays and sundays my parents stay home and do nothing if their chorus are finished.

Most of the time when she goes out my dad always ask the same questions again and again, "Why do you always go out with your friends, what about your sons?" and my dad asked me after she leaves "why does she always goes out with her friends?" and I usually answer "because you get to go out with your friends, so i think she should be able to" and then gets angry at me and doesn't talk to me for the rest of the night. Then when my mom comes home he biatches about how she comes home late ... (my dad does that too when he goes to his friends). My mom agures the why does he gets to go out couple times a month and she doesn't. He then always say he leave if she keeps doing this and my mom says "fine leave, I get no freedom living with you anyways" then he ends up going to my uncles house to stay and come back home then next day (which everything goes back to normal).


What can I do in this situation to get my dad stop acting like this everytime? because I went with my mom one time (her friend has a dinner parties and had my favorite food) or just dropping her off and all the do there is meet with old friends from school or back home and just talk about anythings and enjoying life with others.

also how do i stop with my dad's anger management?

tell your mom to take your dad out once when she go out with her friends again, so your dad can meet them and see what they usually do.

Wow, sounds like your dad is very insecure about himself by putting on such a tight leash on your mom.

If my dad ever tried to control my mom that way, my mom would kick his ass..lol

There's really nothing you can do/help in this situation.. your mom has to stand up for herself and they should sit down and talk about this or else this will never end. You're fueling his anger/insecurity everything you open your mouth.

Your father is 59 yrs old... he's set on his ways and he'll most likely will never change. I see nothing wrong with your mom hanging out with her friends once or twice a week that's what's probably keeping her sane living life with your old fashioned father.

Stop fueling and Stay out of it.

Originally Posted by win-star

One day in the week (during the weekend) once or twice a month my mom usually plans (occasionally last minutes decisions) and go out with her friends because usually on saturdays and sundays my parents stay home and do nothing if their chorus are finished.

Most of the time when she goes out my dad always ask the same questions again and again, "Why do you always go out with your friends, what about your sons?" and my dad asked me after she leaves "why does she always goes out with her friends?" and I usually answer "because you get to go out with your friends, so i think she should be able to" and then gets angry at me and doesn't talk to me for the rest of the night. Then when my mom comes home he biatches about how she comes home late ... (my dad does that too when he goes to his friends). My mom agures the why does he gets to go out couple times a month and she doesn't. He then always say he leave if she keeps doing this and my mom says "fine leave, I get no freedom living with you anyways" then he ends up going to my uncles house to stay and come back home then next day (which everything goes back to normal).


What can I do in this situation to get my dad stop acting like this everytime? because I went with my mom one time (her friend has a dinner parties and had my favorite food) or just dropping her off and all the do there is meet with old friends from school or back home and just talk about anythings and enjoying life with others.

also how do i stop with my dad's anger management?

Hmmmm.
Seems some serious issues between your mom and dad. May be she is tired and want to enjoy some time away from Dad and you.
Even if she is not having affair its serious issue. For one you can't do nothing about it.
Expect the worst. Something in life you can't control. Especially nature, people and people's nature.

Originally Posted by 7jai

Do you mind if I ask what your ethnicity is? Because ethnicity and culture has alot to do with this I find.

We are Vietnamese

when i get old, I WANT my wife to go out more with her friends, so I can go fishing and hunting!

Originally Posted by ricoboxing

when i get old, I WANT my wife to go out more with her friends, so I can go fishing and hunting!

I'm not old at all and I wish my wife went out more often and left me alone...

Originally Posted by Ojam

Support your mother.
It's pretty obvious that your dad is the one who's causing the problems. Your mom isn't making any problems. Once or twice a month to hang out? Give me a break.

So always be on mother's side.
Sure they are adults...but did your mother raise you just so you can ignore her?

She needs your help and support and you need to stand up for her.
If we play by the "let them figure it out...they're adults" mentality, it won't be long before we abandon them in some sort of elder house and visit them once a month just to ask how are you.

I might be biased towards your mother more...but it's because your dad is the cause of problem, so I am on her side.

If your mother was doing what your dad is doing now, then I'd say support your dad.

My dad sometimes acts irrationally and says ******** things, i always fight with him but sometimes no matter what you say or do they wont change. I just learned to back away and let him be the way he is.

It should be a two way street. Your dad should also be able to hang out with the guys and not be harassed by your mom. It's all about balance.