15 Year Old Child Over Eating

[Emancipated]

It isn't so overt or blatant but my nephew who's 15 and about 5'5 weighs lke 180lbs. He keeps eating. For instance, after dinner which he eats the most of anyone amongst his siblings, he'll eat another thing like a sandwich or a beef patty and I hate to say it, but he's a disgusting child. He burps with his mouth open and rather unapologetically shrugs his shoulder when you tell him that's not polite. His mother is utterly incompetent as a parent which is written all over this child. He comes by to visit every so often and it pains me to deal with him because he's so disobedient. I know a child is child and are only a byproduct of their upbringing but at this point, what can be done to steer him onto the right path? I'm just disgusted with his apathyand unwillingness to listen when I try to tell him things his mother should be telling him.

I feel like hiding when he comes over because I feel so embarrassed seeing how a parent can fail so miserable at raising a child.

Any advice?

[FerrisB]

It isn't so overt or blatant but my nephew who's 15 and about 5'5 weighs lke 180lbs. He keeps eating. For instance, after dinner which he eats the most of anyone amongst his siblings, he'll eat another thing like a sandwich or a beef patty and I hate to say it, but he's a disgusting child. He burps with his mouth open and rather unapologetically shrugs his shoulder when you tell him that's not polite. His mother is utterly incompetent as a parent which is written all over this child. He comes by to visit every so often and it pains me to deal with him because he's so disobedient. I know a child is child and are only a byproduct of their upbringing but at this point, what can be done to steer him onto the right path? I'm just disgusted with his apathyand unwillingness to listen when I try to tell him things his mother should be telling him.

I feel like hiding when he comes over because I feel so embarrassed seeing how a parent can fail so miserable at raising a child.

Any advice?

Call him a fat turd and then ask how his girlfriend is doing. Smack sandwiches out of his mouth.

But seriously though, it sounds like he has no self control/pride because he was raised poorly. Are you willing to invest the time and effort necessary to develop a relationship with this child and offer him guidance? If not I don't think there is anything simple you can do to change things now.

[Emancipated]

Call him a fat turd and then ask how his girlfriend is doing. Smack sandwiches out of his mouth.

But seriously though, it sounds like he has no self control/pride because he was raised poorly. Are you willing to invest the time and effort necessary to develop a relationship with this child and offer him guidance? If not I don't think there is anything simple you can do to change things now.

What ever breakthrough you have with him eventually gets flushed down the drain when his mother gets in his mind. He and his brothers are a lazy bunch with utterly no responsibilities so when you ask them to do something, they will be little brats about it. One summer they were staying over and they did learn some responsibility but when school resumed and they went back home, it didn't take long for them to revert to their old ways.

The immediate family know the mother is a major screw up and she can't even get her life on track so I really question whether if there is any hope for her kids. Short of reporting her to child welfare citing incompetence, I don't know what to do. We're in a bind as we can't really financially take them in even if custody wasn't an issue.

[JuliaP]

The way you are talking about them and their mother is really sad - calling them names and saying how much you hate "dealing with him". It doesn't sound like you are planning to help him at all - you just want to complain about him.

[Emancipated]

The way you are talking about them and their mother is really sad - calling them names and saying how much you hate "dealing with him". It doesn't sound like you are planning to help him at all - you just want to complain about him.

I'm just very frustrated about the situation and don't have anywhere to turn for help.

[CrazyJo82]

The way you are talking about them and their mother is really sad - calling them names and saying how much you hate "dealing with him". It doesn't sound like you are planning to help him at all - you just want to complain about him.

the fact that the OP has posted the question means they're trying to find a solution.

unfortunately, i dont have any advice. if talking to the parent doesn't help, and/or they're unwilling to do anything, i dont know if there's much you can do.

re-reading what you wrote. You said there were improvements when they stayed with you. have you considered offering to look after the kids for a longer period of time? maybe have them stay with you every summer (even though it might seem a pointless effort when school starts again), it might eventually rub of. Or have them stay over at your place on the weekends.

other suggestion is to send them to boot camp or something to that effect. something that requires a social structure.

after all said and done, it is still the mother's responsibility, and not yours. and in the eyes of every parents, the child is perfect and has no fault.

[mwong168]

Yikes, 15 and at 180lbs :-0 I know adults that are double his age and don't even weight that. I'm very worried when I see the amount of fat or obese kids these days because if he is 180lbs now and keeps up the same eating habits he will be easily double of that in the next 10 years or less.

As for his poor eating habits I think the only thing that would make him change is if god forbid something happens to his health and he has to either change or risk dying. It doesn't help that the mother isn't a good influence to be around and probably encourages his behaviour. I would say just leave it alone because he is not your kid.

[gilboman]

Yikes, 15 and at 180lbs :-0 I know adults that are double his age and don't even weight that. I'm very worried when I see the amount of fat or obese kids these days because if he is 180lbs now and keeps up the same eating habits he will be easily double of that in the next 10 years or less.



why are you correlating age into an "appropriate" weight:confused:

[coopercold]

It isn't so overt or blatant but my nephew who's 15 and about 5'5 weighs lke 180lbs. He keeps eating. For instance, after dinner which he eats the most of anyone amongst his siblings, he'll eat another thing like a sandwich or a beef patty and I hate to say it, but he's a disgusting child. He burps with his mouth open and rather unapologetically shrugs his shoulder when you tell him that's not polite. His mother is utterly incompetent as a parent which is written all over this child. He comes by to visit every so often and it pains me to deal with him because he's so disobedient. I know a child is child and are only a byproduct of their upbringing but at this point, what can be done to steer him onto the right path? I'm just disgusted with his apathyand unwillingness to listen when I try to tell him things his mother should be telling him.

I feel like hiding when he comes over because I feel so embarrassed seeing how a parent can fail so miserable at raising a child.

Any advice?

How much do you weigh? Do you eat a healthy and balanced diet? Do you exercise regularly? Do you gossip or talk behind people's backs? Do you volunteer or give back to your community?

I think you should (continue to) work on yourself. You absolutely have no right be be so utterly judgmental.

I feel embarrassed that you posted this. A truly compassionate person would not have done so. IF you really did care, then you would have addressed your concerns with the mother and child directly. Talk to them, and see what they have to say. It's that simple. That's called COMMUNICATION.

[ricoboxing]

why are you correlating age into an "appropriate" weight:confused:
I think he correlated his height 5'5" with the weight, along with the fact that the kid eats everything in sight and is a pig.

Theres nothing he can do about the piglet, just move on.

[mwong168]

why are you correlating age into an "appropriate" weight:confused:

I'm not making any correlation with age and weight except that most people only gain weight or get fatter as they get older due to their metabolism slowing down and probably not being as active in things like sports or exercising. If the OP's nephew continues with his eating habits he is going to end up looking like a Biggest Loser contestant or worse end up with lots of health problems.

If you think being 5'5" and 180lbs and 5'5" healthly or normal then good for you. How much did you weigh when you were 15? I certainly was not tipping the scales at 180lbs. I don't really think there is an appropriate weight but there is an ideal healthy weight which I'm sure your doctor or a simple google search will tell you.

[funkyfr3sh_]

Well, OP – good for you for wanting to help this child, just please do not approach this child in the same manner you have posted this.

If you tell him he is fat, it would probably hurt him more than help him. I am sure he already knows. Ultimately, I know it should be his mom who helps him but what you can do is lead by experience. When he does come over, cook healthy foods (offer lots of fresh veggies / lean proteins etc). I also know you said you can’t afford to take the kids in…but maybe take him out for an activity (e.g. biking, skating etc).

Sorry I am not much help but good luck with this all.:)

[Emancipated]

How much do you weigh? Do you eat a healthy and balanced diet? Do you exercise regularly? Do you gossip or talk behind people's backs? Do you volunteer or give back to your community?

I think you should (continue to) work on yourself. You absolutely have no right be be so utterly judgmental.

I feel embarrassed that you posted this. A truly compassionate person would not have done so. IF you really did care, then you would have addressed your concerns with the mother and child directly. Talk to them, and see what they have to say. It's that simple. That's called COMMUNICATION.

You're right. I don't really have a leg to stand on since I"m also not doing enough to help out and do more criticizing than constructive reenforcement. I know my sister (their mom) is overwhelmed but apart from entertaining them every so often, we all have our own lives too.

[setell]

Does the kid have self esteem issues? He might be a late bloomer too as my brother didn't sprout till he was 14! My brother had self esteem issues with his height till he had his turn with puberty. I honestly think it's a self esteem issue with the way he is eating. Most people I know that eat so much use food as way to "get away" from the truth. I would take the kid out more often to physical activities like hiking, biking, swimming etc. that don't cost much but gets him out. Is he into any sports at all? I would have a bit talk with your sister. I don't know how your relationship is with her but if my nieces/nephews are so fat at such a young age I will tell my siblings to get their act together!

[sonic]

If it hasnt been asked before..WHERE is the father?

does your nephew have any male role models in his life?

maybe he is depressed & has low self esteem? Like setell said, try & get him involved in sports..even if its ping pong...at least he is doing something.
If hes a couch potatoe, get him Wii sports.

I have a GF in a similar situation...she is a single mother & after working she is just too tired to disipline her son. so basically he does whatever he wants & eats whenever he wants.
He has No ambition at all.

sometimes you just have to let people live thier lives.

[angels2009]

My recommendation is to sit down with the parents (not the kids) and to talk to them and see where that goes....let then know your concerns and offer help and support if they need it. I would try that first and take it from there, if you get nowhere, then next time you see your nieces and nephews just let them know that you are there for them if they need anything or just want to talk.

I know it is hard because they are not your kids, so there is only so much you can do.

Good Luck

[Emancipated]

If it hasnt been asked before..WHERE is the father?

does your nephew have any male role models in his life?

maybe he is depressed & has low self esteem? Like setell said, try & get him involved in sports..even if its ping pong...at least he is doing something.
If hes a couch potatoe, get him Wii sports.

I have a GF in a similar situation...she is a single mother & after working she is just too tired to disipline her son. so basically he does whatever he wants & eats whenever he wants.
He has No ambition at all.

sometimes you just have to let people live thier lives.

You described my nephews to a T. His brother who's in his last year of high school rejects any idea of getting a job. He's tipping the scales north of 190 and only an inch or so taller than the troubled kid I'm talking about.

Father is in another city working. The mother does have good intentions but she's kind of a troubled person herself but I think sometimes you really do just have to let people live their lives. I thought perhaps there was a quick fix solution for the diet problem but it's really too layered for a quick fix.

[setell]

You described my nephews to a T. His brother who's in his last year of high school rejects any idea of getting a job. He's tipping the scales north of 190 and only an inch or so taller than the troubled kid I'm talking about.

Father is in another city working. The mother does have good intentions but she's kind of a troubled person herself but I think sometimes you really do just have to let people live their lives. I thought perhaps there was a quick fix solution for the diet problem but it's really too layered for a quick fix.

Why can't you take on the role of being the father figure as clearly this kid lacks a good role model. I think he's got a way bigger issue then low self esteem as his family situation don't make it good for him to grow. I would get him some counselling, seriously! Let him talk to a counsellor so that he can release his emotions (cry if he has to or yell if he is angry). You can let people live their lives but this is your nephew here! Unless you are in different cities I can't see how you can't help out other then be a lazy a$$ that only pick apart the poor kid. If you got time to post here to complain then you can sure pick up that phone to give the kid a call!

[Emancipated]

Why can't you take on the role of being the father figure as clearly this kid lacks a good role model. I think he's got a way bigger issue then low self esteem as his family situation don't make it good for him to grow. I would get him some counselling, seriously! Let him talk to a counsellor so that he can release his emotions (cry if he has to or yell if he is angry). You can let people live their lives but this is your nephew here! Unless you are in different cities I can't see how you can't help out other then be a lazy a$$ that only pick apart the poor kid. If you got time to post here to complain then you can sure pick up that phone to give the kid a call!

Since my last response has touch a nerve, I feel I owe a respose. The truth is, I'm not in any position to be what he needs, financially or emotionally. Emotionally unprepared and immature to deal with being a role model to them. Our family is also not your average family with a nucleus as they say. We're very distant emotionally right from the patriarch to myself who's the youngest. Everyone just wants to get along with the minimal effort and any disturbance catches us off guard. I really just wanted a quick fix which seems impossible. Sorry for have wasted your time.

[kimierin]

Since my last response has touch a nerve, I feel I owe a respose. The truth is, I'm not in any position to be what he needs, financially or emotionally. Emotionally unprepared and immature to deal with being a role model to them. Our family is also not your average family with a nucleus as they say. We're very distant emotionally right from the patriarch to myself who's the youngest. Everyone just wants to get along with the minimal effort and any disturbance catches us off guard. I really just wanted a quick fix which seems impossible. Sorry for have wasted your time.


So, what ended up happening? Did you talk to your nephew?

[mrspuff]

i haven't read the rest of people's comments, just your posting so you might have addressed it already, but where is this kid's father. you keep running down the mother as if she's the problem, but does this kid see his dad. if his dad isn't a big part of his life, then that's an issue that could bother him and he seeks comfort with food.

overeating is mostly emotionally linked to issues going on in his life that is upsetting, overwhelming, or depressing etc.. some people learn to deal with issues or their negative emotions through food, but most don't. of course sometimes weight is generic of course or medically related issues.