How to handle this situation?

[raps4lyfe]

Ok so I was talking with my 10 year old niece (grade 6), and she was telling me how ppl from grade 8 are bullying her. I told her to tell the principal and she will take care of it. She told me she did and the principal talked to the person but it didn't help. They call her a snitch, curse at her, take her to a corner to imitate her and randomly bump into her

now she is 10 and these group of girls/bullies are 13

I told her that I will talk to the principal with her, she said it won't work and she is scared that they will beat her up after. Half way through the convo she started crying, and this got my blood boiling, I told her to show me who these ppl are and I will deal with them.

So I'm 20 ad they are 13, should I go talk with them and give them my piece of mind or talk too the principal even though it didn't help in the past. i know the age difference and even the gender difference is very awkward but can i just tell them to back off or else ill personally talk to the principal, their parents and even the police.

What's happening to these schools, kids can't even feel safe and concentrate on studying.

thanks

[alamshahid]

I recommend you go and talk to the principal. Let the principal know that you'll be picking up/ dropping off your niece and when you're doing that keep any eye out for these bullies.

If you do come across any of them just let them know that you are aware of what they are doing and its going to stop. Don't threaten them as you wouldn't want the situation being turned back on you.

[3weddings]

Where are your niece's parents? This is their responsibility to address with the Principal.

They should immediately ask for a meeting with the Principal and insist that the course of action (likely redirect) is NOT working. All schools have ZERO TOLERANCE for all types of bullying. These children must be reprimanded and stopped immediately.

If the Principal does not solve the problem by day's end (after the meeting), I'd feel quite comfortable in calling the police and involving them since the child obviously does not feel safe at school.

As much as you want to help, and she obviously feels comfortable to discuss this with you, this is not your battle and the Principal will tell you so.

[mau77on]

definitely tell the parents to speak with the principal. I remember when i got threatened and assaulted in HS. Went to the principal and he dealt with it quick and smoothly. He basically told those that were messing around with me that if another incident happens again, they will get expelled. I don't know if it was the principal or my older bro that did the convincing ;).

Now i don't know if my situation is the same as hers but nevertheless the principal has the power to stop this and he should be able to exercise that.

[ruhroh]

The awesome thing to do would be to teach her self defense and martial arts and have her beat the crap out of them.

But 3weddings advice is best.

[AcidBomber]

Im guessing you're quite close with your niece as she's comfortable in telling you things. But I think you should speak to her parents about it first, then have them talk to the principal to resolve this issue.

[johnboy]

Long time ago, my uncle told me his little boy was being bullied at school. Solution: he bought him nunchucks. Worked! That was probably in the late 70's/early 80's. So that solution is no go anymore. LOL

[angekfire]

They should immediately ask for a meeting with the Principal and insist that the course of action (likely redirect) is NOT working. All schools have ZERO TOLERANCE for all types of bullying. These children must be reprimanded and stopped immediately.

All schools SAY they have a zero tolerance policy, even when I was in school, but it was more like a "75% tolerance" policy. I was deliberately tripped by someone and broke my arm in grade 7, and he said it was an accident. After 2 weeks he admitted he lied, and it was intentional. His punishment for deliberately injuring me, then lying about it: 1 day in-school suspension.

Yea, that really dissuades bullies alright. Zero tolerance my ass. And this was with principal involvement and everything.

[Takami]

Either I have been seriously out of touch with the youth generations, or your niece's story doesn't add up too well. It is extremely out of character for a group of teenage girls ruin your niece's life unless they have something to gain from it. Image and reputation is everything in the teenage world, and I don't think a bunch of 13 y/o girls bullying one 10 y/o who probably hasn't even gone though puberty is going to sit well in front of their other friends.

You are also wrong to think that a 10 year old girl cannot play games with you to benefit their own agenda. I remember when I was 10, we were playing at the park and two 9 y/o girls wanted us to leave. Of course we didn't leave because we were there first. So the 2 girls got their older brothers who were 13-14 y/o to beat us up by telling them that we bullied their sisters. The older boys came at us with a lot of anger and they didn't spare any punches. Some of us got really hurt from that incident.

The OP should talk to the principals to confirm the situation and not confront the girls directly. Try to get the full story first before you play hero.

[johnboy]

There was a bully back in grade 3 or 4. He bullied everyone for a long time and back in those days, teachers and principal couldn't care less. One day after school we took it upon ourselves to teach him a lesson. My buddy and I waited for him to leave after school to give him the beats. We got tired of waiting so my buddy went inside to flush him out and I was right there, a little guy throwing a bunch and hit him in the eye. I think my buddy caught up and started beating him down and I joined in too. Had black eye next day. He never bothered us again. It wasn't a serious beat. But I can't imagine what beating someone up nowadays would mean.

The sad truth of it all, when we're kids we fight to end a disputes when nothing else worked. Nothing changes when we get older. Bigger picture would be country X fighting country Y.

BTW, i don't recommend ganging up on the bullies... Talking to principal again is the right thing to do nowadays. LOL!

[Adams06]

Watch how the mall security guards handle the skater situation in the movie Observe and Report and then follow those guidelines.

On a more serious note, talk to the principal like everyone said. Otherwise, tell your neice she needs to grow some tougher skin. She may only be 10, but that's a good enough age to learn how things work. School is a place where you will get picked on and bullied unless you're one of the cool kids. She's going to have to learn to take it and ignore it. When you move on to the real world, there's no principal to go tell the bullies on.

[raps4lyfe]

Where are your niece's parents? This is their responsibility to address with the Principal.

They should immediately ask for a meeting with the Principal and insist that the course of action (likely redirect) is NOT working. All schools have ZERO TOLERANCE for all types of bullying. These children must be reprimanded and stopped immediately.

If the Principal does not solve the problem by day's end (after the meeting), I'd feel quite comfortable in calling the police and involving them since the child obviously does not feel safe at school.

As much as you want to help, and she obviously feels comfortable to discuss this with you, this is not your battle and the Principal will tell you so.
thanks i called parents, they knew about it aswell and i told them to call the principal and tell her to look into it. The principal is looking into it and will get back to her

Either I have been seriously out of touch with the youth generations, or your niece's story doesn't add up too well. It is extremely out of character for a group of teenage girls ruin your niece's life unless they have something to gain from it. Image and reputation is everything in the teenage world, and I don't think a bunch of 13 y/o girls bullying one 10 y/o who probably hasn't even gone though puberty is going to sit well in front of their other friends.

You are also wrong to think that a 10 year old girl cannot play games with you to benefit their own agenda. I remember when I was 10, we were playing at the park and two 9 y/o girls wanted us to leave. Of course we didn't leave because we were there first. So the 2 girls got their older brothers who were 13-14 y/o to beat us up by telling them that we bullied their sisters. The older boys came at us with a lot of anger and they didn't spare any punches. Some of us got really hurt from that incident.

The OP should talk to the principals to confirm the situation and not confront the girls directly. Try to get the full story first before you play hero.
If you knew our family background and the girl who is complaining, you would know she wont go around picking fights and messing with ppl. Kids these days think since they are the most senior (grade 8), they can do anyhing they want and obviously they arent gonna pick on kids their own size to be cool.
This group of bullies dont only pick on my niece, they pick on her friends, other ppl in grade 6 and even some from grade 7.

So i went to pick her up at lunch since i wasnt busy and she seemed tensed and then started crying. I asked her what happened and she told me that she got picked on again and told the principal and now she is scared they will hit her. If it wasnt for the age and the gender issue, i would seriously teach them a lesson

anyways principal is looking into it and hopefully they end this soon

[CheapScotsman]

thanks i called parents, they knew about it aswell and i told them to call the principal and tell her to look into it. The principal is looking into it and will get back to her
.....

anyways principal is looking into it and hopefully they end this soon

While just about everywhere has a zero tolerance for bullying, some places aren't very effective in making it happen.

So .... one of the most important parts of 3weddings advice is to limit the time frame. If the principal can't "solve" the problem ASAP; tell them you are going to then actually call the police. Start making it official; write a letter to the school district / board indicating the actions taken and no results. Make waves.

[3weddings]

All schools SAY they have a zero tolerance policy, even when I was in school, but it was more like a "75% tolerance" policy. I was deliberately tripped by someone and broke my arm in grade 7, and he said it was an accident. After 2 weeks he admitted he lied, and it was intentional. His punishment for deliberately injuring me, then lying about it: 1 day in-school suspension.

Yea, that really dissuades bullies alright. Zero tolerance my ass. And this was with principal involvement and everything.

and this is WHY you have to continue to be the first message the Principal gets in the morning and the last one they see at the end of the day. Unless the parents are on these public employee asses, nothing WILL be done.

My 13 year old has been receiving negative attention from kids she's been in class with since kindergarten, and I put a stop to it immediately. My family IS very different from 90% of the families in our little town, and I strive to have these children learn compassion and tolerance. I am very outspoken when it comes to racially biased negativity since I grew up with it in Toronto. Not so for the new people moving in, they are moving here to 'get away' from 'those' people. Well I am one of 'those' people and have lived here peacefully since 1995, who is going to win?

Either I have been seriously out of touch with the youth generations, or your niece's story doesn't add up too well. It is extremely out of character for a group of teenage girls ruin your niece's life unless they have something to gain from it. Image and reputation is everything in the teenage world, and I don't think a bunch of 13 y/o girls bullying one 10 y/o who probably hasn't even gone though puberty is going to sit well in front of their other friends.

You are also wrong to think that a 10 year old girl cannot play games with you to benefit their own agenda. I remember when I was 10, we were playing at the park and two 9 y/o girls wanted us to leave. Of course we didn't leave because we were there first. So the 2 girls got their older brothers who were 13-14 y/o to beat us up by telling them that we bullied their sisters. The older boys came at us with a lot of anger and they didn't spare any punches. Some of us got really hurt from that incident.

The OP should talk to the principals to confirm the situation and not confront the girls directly. Try to get the full story first before you play hero.

you are seriously out of touch unfortunately. It's all about who is the meanest! Being nice, having good grades, being an athlete and not wearing the right clothing is cause for much turmoil these days.

I blame the parents for the most part. Too young to now have the time or understand their teenage children. How the hell can a child learn from an immature parent who lacks (and exhibits the same) social skills?

[CSK'sMom]

you are seriously out of touch unfortunately. It's all about who is the meanest! Being nice, having good grades, being an athlete and not wearing the right clothing is cause for much turmoil these days.

I blame the parents for the most part. Too young to now have the time or understand their teenage children. How the hell can a child learn from an immature parent who lacks (and exhibits the same) social skills?

Yep, absolutely! As the Mom to a 14 yr old girl I can tell you that girls are very different from boys. Girls don't generally fight with their fists, they fight with their words. That can range from a full blown argument with name calling to the subtle innuendo and snide remarks in passing or gossip. Everything is fair game as Steph said... clothes, makeup, activities, grades, friends can all be used as a weapon with girls. With Facebook and the like it's even worse now as they can be cyber bullied and stalked.

I too blame the bullies parents for lack of parenting. They have raised children that have no empathy or compassion let alone manners. The kids have obviously learned somewhere that behaving like this is appropriate and gets one what they want.... <sigh>.....

[board123]

Find those kids and dump the bodies in the woods.

[Lone_Prodigy]

There have been news stories of packs of teenage girls swarming and robbing/beating other girls. They think that because they have numbers they're invincible. So a situation like this really isn't surprising.

[raps4lyfe]

Well an update, saw her at lunch and she said the principal called her in office and 5-7 group of bullies that were picking on her. Principal was very stern with those kids and told them they will be suspended if it happens once more. All of them except one apologised and were really sorry. The leader and the biggest ***** of the group swore in front of the principal and was handed a 2 week suspension.
My niece was happy and excited that she didn't have to worry about walking in the hallways and playing outside in recess (not exaggerating here, she told me that she stayed inside to avoid them during recess).

I seriously hate bullies but I never remember ppl picking on 10 year olds when I was in elementary school, some kids are messed up

[cooolway]

Well an update, saw her at lunch and she said the principal called her in office and 5-7 group of bullies that were picking on her. Principal was very stern with those kids and told them they will be suspended if it happens once more. All of them except one apologised and were really sorry. The leader and the biggest ***** of the group swore in front of the principal and was handed a 2 week suspension.
My niece was happy and excited that she didn't have to worry about walking in the hallways and playing outside in recess (not exaggerating here, she told me that she stayed inside to avoid them during recess).

I seriously hate bullies but I never remember ppl picking on 10 year olds when I was in elementary school, some kids are messed up
Wow, I am really glad that it worked out for you.

For me, it was hell. The worst years of my life was grade 7 and 8. I felt like killing myself. I was the person singled out of the WHOLE classroom; even teachers. I remember a teacher saying in front of whole class that I have no friends and all the kids laughed at me. Just wanted to bring an AK47 and just kill everyone.

At high school, it was all gone.

[raps4lyfe]

Wow, I am really glad that it worked out for you.

For me, it was hell. The worst years of my life was grade 7 and 8. I felt like killing myself. I was the person singled out of the WHOLE classroom; even teachers. I remember a teacher saying in front of whole class that I have no friends and all the kids laughed at me. Just wanted to bring an AK47 and just kill everyone.

At high school, it was all gone.
Damn that sucks, i mean the teachers are supposed to support you. You should've gone to the principal or Administrators and complained against the teachers. Telling your parents would have been good too, in this situation as soon as the parents got involved and called the principal the matter got solved in 2 days.

[help_questions]

The awesome thing to do would be to teach her self defense and martial arts and have her beat the crap out of them.

agreed. Martial arts should be learned by every kid specifically for situations like this.

[squall458]

Talk to the homeroom teacher of all the students involved. Escalating it to the principal level will be recommended by the teachers when appropriate. Either way, they need to involved and alerted. Principals are always in meetings, etc. and rarely involved in day to day school activities. Homeroom teachers see them several times a day. Get a parent involved, and contact a teacher!

[Piro21]

Wow, I am really glad that it worked out for you.

For me, it was hell. The worst years of my life was grade 7 and 8. I felt like killing myself. I was the person singled out of the WHOLE classroom; even teachers. I remember a teacher saying in front of whole class that I have no friends and all the kids laughed at me. Just wanted to bring an AK47 and just kill everyone.

At high school, it was all gone.

My situation was a little different, but similar. I had a great time in school from grade 4 (when I came to Canada) all through the first part of grade 8, but over christmas break that year we moved, and the people at the school I moved to were a bunch of *******s. I'd get my books knocked out of my hands in the stairways, get talked about in class, and I was just picked on in general. I only had to put up with it for 5 months, but was probably the worst school experience of my life. Once I started high school everything was back to normal, though.

I think bullying happens more in those middle schools where the grade 6 kids are tossed in with the grade 7 and 8s. It's too great of a developmental separation during the most critical formative years. The middle school I went to before we moved was grade 7 and 8 only, and I don't remember anyone getting bullied like I and a few other kids were at the new one.

[Becks]

On tv, there was a bullying expert, and he said that the victim and the bully/bullies aren't supposed to meet with the teacher together. There is a power imbalance there and it is very intimidating.

[dphythian]

agreed. Martial arts should be learned by every kid specifically for situations like this.

Sure after a couple Karate classes, any ten year old would have no problem laying a beat down on multiple teenagers.

[Cheap Cat]

Either I have been seriously out of touch with the youth generations, or your niece's story doesn't add up too well. It is extremely out of character for a group of teenage girls ruin your niece's life unless they have something to gain from it ...

You are seriously out of touch. Have you ever heard of Reena Virk? If not, google her story. Unfortunately, she is not alone. Girls bullying girls is a huge problem.

[LaserEnvy]

You need to be firm with the principle and let him know you will do whatever it takes to have them take action against bullying (going to the police/reporting the school to a higher authority). You also need to follow up with your neice and the principle frequently.

I think a lot of people expect teachers and principles to be infallible role models for the kids, when really they are just people going into work everyday like you and me. I know I've had my share of unfair/racist/dbag teachers throughout school.

The other thing that is of concern is how to teach her to stand up for herself, not necessarily by hitting them back but by presenting herself in a manner that will let the bullies know that she isn't scared of them and won't take their crap. That's usually all it takes to get them to back off. Constant bullying will have a life long impact on any child.

[v_tofu]

Well an update, saw her at lunch and she said the principal called her in office and 5-7 group of bullies that were picking on her. Principal was very stern with those kids and told them they will be suspended if it happens once more. All of them except one apologised and were really sorry. The leader and the biggest ***** of the group swore in front of the principal and was handed a 2 week suspension.
My niece was happy and excited that she didn't have to worry about walking in the hallways and playing outside in recess (not exaggerating here, she told me that she stayed inside to avoid them during recess).

I seriously hate bullies but I never remember ppl picking on 10 year olds when I was in elementary school, some kids are messed up


Nice.

As always, its usually just the one "leader" thats the real trouble maker, and the rest just follow so that they don't get picked on themselves.

[slowtyper]

Well an update, saw her at lunch and she said the principal called her in office and 5-7 group of bullies that were picking on her. Principal was very stern with those kids and told them they will be suspended if it happens once more. All of them except one apologised and were really sorry. The leader and the biggest ***** of the group swore in front of the principal and was handed a 2 week suspension.
My niece was happy and excited that she didn't have to worry about walking in the hallways and playing outside in recess (not exaggerating here, she told me that she stayed inside to avoid them during recess).

I seriously hate bullies but I never remember ppl picking on 10 year olds when I was in elementary school, some kids are messed up

In my experience these kinds of problems don't really get resolved all neat and tidy like this. Yeah, you say sorry after you get a "stern talking to" but a week later it gets worse.

[raps4lyfe]

In my experience these kinds of problems don't really get resolved all neat and tidy like this. Yeah, you say sorry after you get a "stern talking to" but a week later it gets worse.

Yup, you're right, most of the times it can start again. That's why I plan on following up on this situation frequently with my niece and keeping a close eye on how things are going in the coming weeks.
I'd say a suspension, some harsh treatment from her parent and overall fear of being possibly expelled with keep them at bay

[Takami]

you are seriously out of touch unfortunately. It's all about who is the meanest! Being nice, having good grades, being an athlete and not wearing the right clothing is cause for much turmoil these days.



Wow, that's sad. I used to go to a school where bullying is the culture, I have had classmates who took weapons (knifes, baseball bats etc) to school. However, it was rare for girls to bully each other, but guys bullying girls was common for some reasons. After switching to a private school at a high income neighborhood, the bullying problem went away because students there were a lot more focused on academics and sports. I think the environment set by the teacher and the classmates is important and I think there is an inverse relationship between a school's fighting/bullying culture and academic performance. I'm not saying to run away from the problem, but if the school's culture is fighting and bullying, perhaps you/your kids are better off going to a school in a better neighborhood. Not to mention that my grades were significantly better after switching to another school (I went from getting straight D-Fs and being on the honor roll). Had I stayed in the same atmosphere, I probably won't be able to go to University.


You are seriously out of touch. Have you ever heard of Reena Virk? If not, google her story. Unfortunately, she is not alone. Girls bullying girls is a huge problem.

Perhaps I am out of touch. Weird, because high school was barely a decade ago for me (I'm 28). But I might not have the full story here. I apologize for my previous comments.

[goJays]

I would go to the school with your niece and talk to the Principal and make sure u tell them how to run his/her job!

I would also go talk to the kids' parents. If they are not total trash, they will take your complain seriously and implement change.