Screaming - what to do about it???

[skulipeg]

I have a ten, almost eleven-month old girl that has an ear-splitting screaming cry. She's been crying in this fashion since she was about six months old, so it doesn't appear to be just a "phase". I've tried ignoring it, I've tried telling her no screaming, nothing works..in fact it seems to be getting worse - louder and more piercing. Does anyone have any suggestions on what, if anything, we can do about it?

[taylyn]

Yes - tell her to stop, and when she doesn't let her scream by herself in her room and don't go in until she stops. She's probably doing it because she knows you'll cave and go to her and she gets what she wants. Set the expectation - "You need to stop screaming and tell me what you want. If you do not stop, you will be put in your room UNTIL you stop and then, and only then, will I come in and talk with you."

Then you have to actually do it. She may scream for 10 minutes, maybe an hour - doesn't matter. If she is not getting anything from it, she'll stop. But you are giving her something so she'll keep doing it.

Teach her.

[skulipeg]

Thanks for the response Taylyn, but I should have clarified things a lot more. She's not crying/screaming to get things. She's a well-behaved child, and she knows I won't give in to her, so for the most part she doesn't bother crying to get things. This is when she's hurt, or when I'm dropping her off at her new daycare in the morning so she's scared...This is just part of her cry, it's not to get attention. I'm wondering if she will always scream when she cries, or if there is some way to teach her that screaming should not be a part of crying.

[taylyn]

I misunderstood you original post, but I think I see what you are saying, and I definitely see why you would want to change the tone/sound of her crying! Perhaps explaining to her that screaming is for being scared only, and if she screams other people will think she is in trouble, and crying is for crying. Trying to disassociate screaming and crying together with different imagery might help her along the way. She is very young, but old enough to understand what is and is not appropriate in this circumstance. You can also show her by example how it sounds to cry or scream, and have her copy you, so she will emulate what you are showing her. Other examples visually may also help. She will grow out of it eventually - not too many Grade 8s running around screaming when they cry lol

[pimom]

I have bad news for you. My five year-old still has the piercing cry, has done since birth. Sometimes even when she is happy, the ear splitting cry slips out. We talk to her all the time, and she is getting better, but it's just her natural reaction.>:(

Since she turned four, we having trying to get her to yell "ouch!" which has really been helpful. As we teach her to "take a deep breath then blow my hair" which works to calm her very quickly.

[susan123]

My youngest has that scream as part of his "normal" cry. He is now 3 years old, but has had this cry since he was very little. Whether someone takes his toy, or he is truly injured, it is always the same cry/scream. We have been working with him saying that it is ok to be sad or angry (given the situation) but that it is not ok to scream.

Same goes with injuries - it is ok to cry, but you need to put the screaming away. (Obviously with some common sense. When first hurt, it does hurt and you may let out a scream. But after a second or two to get a grip, the screaming must stop.) Mostly because it is hard to understand what happened and what hurts if he is too focussed on letting out the shrillest, loudest scream ever.

If the screaming continues, any assistance for the toy or injury is ceased and told it will return when the screaming stops. It was hard - especially the injury ones where all you want to do is cuddle them with the ice pack, but the noise was not tolerable. (And I really mean it was extreme! Crying and very upset is one thing, but screaming like that is another. I've been in traumatic accident scenes with less noise.) So, handed off the ice pack and came back a moment later when he had gotten more under control.

[skulipeg]

Yikes, looks like we may be dealing with this for quite a while yet....my aching ears! I was hoping for some better news! Well, we'll keep on top of it constantly and hope for the best. Thanks for your responses. If anyone else has any more ideas, we're wide open to suggestions.

[hagbard]

My daughter has an ear piercing scream and has since she was born. She's now four and still screams (not sure if its related to her autism). My solution? Ear plugs.