Deleted

[ARK]

Deleted

[CCCC3333]

tldr

[theops]

it's a loss-loss situation, sorry.

I guess she is depressed, medication a solution perhaps?

[bokep]

Divorce

I do not want to have a divorce because this can ruin my kids life but at the same time I think that if I accept her back, my love for her will not be the same as before because she has insulted me in the whole family for money and have ruined husband/wife relationship
What makes you think she'll come back?

[zydus]

http://www.redflagdeals.com/forums/showthread.php?t=722173

The first Q applies to you.

A: Seek a lawyer. Don't fcuk with the law.

/Thread

[ukgirl]

sorry about your situation. Maybe she has been planning on leaving you for a while and that is why she asked for the $900 a month? that was my first thought, maybe she was trying to save her own money in a separate account?

Has everything really been perfect until now? maybe she has been unhappy for a long time and you didnt realize?

I think it is really in your wife's hands right now, you cant make her come back and it just seems like maybe you are thinking the problem/issue was money and maybe it was something else altogether but that was the straw that broke the camel's back?

[theops]

talk to a lawyer, let us know if you need further help.

we'll be here.

[partytime2009]

Sorry to hear that man,

Immigrant families usually try to sit the couple down and try to work out an arrangement but she has obviously worked her parents against you. Having said that though, there are two sides to every story and I am certain that your wife has another story to tell. Why don't you tell us your wife's story as she has told you? In divorces each person feels victimized and as much as I don't want to make light of your situation, your wife's story needs to be heard to put things into context.

[Sepiraph]

Situation looks pretty bleak, divorce is a terrible thing but it is better than living out a loveless marriage. Your kids will suffer more out of that.

[Rehan]

For the last few months, my wife started complaining that, I do not give her money and she demanded that I have her half of her salary ($900)and do not ask how she is spending.

I found this unacceptable because as you can see, I am running my family expenses responsibly and her demand was not rational. Depends on the culture. In Islam, if the wife goes out to work then typically most or all of her salary is for her to keep...they only one she's obliged to share it with is the tax man. See http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=Islamonline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503545386 if you want more details or guidance.

[danfromwaterloo]

Seek a lawyer. Don't fcuk with the law. FTW.

Seriously, get a good ass lawyer.

[ARK]

Sorry to hear that man,
Why don't you tell us your wife's story as she has told you?

She did not tell me anything other than she was not happy that I am keeping her salary and not letting her spending money as she wishes. She only share her problems with her family.

She does not spend money responsibly. She will go to mall and will buy things without even looking at the price. I pointed this out to her many times that same thing could cost much less at a different store e.g. Walmart. but she doesn't care.

Also 2 weeks ago, when we were leaving for the office in the morning, she told me that she got a new credit card and would like to check it by making some purchases. I told her that you are not being responsible and to buy things only if need it. That was the time when we stopped talking with each other and from there onward things started to get complicated.

Also she is 30 and I am 40 and I think age difference is also one of the factor the way we think about spending money.

[sheilab]

Better to give her half of her income now than half your income for decades. Just out of curiosity what does she feel she needs to contribute to the family?

Odd that she does not want to tell you where the money will go.

Maybe you should demand that you have right to keep half your income.
Maybe you should set up a secret account.

Sorry but you are screwed. You will be paying her and her family for the rest of your life.
What is your ethnic background if I might ask. I wonder if these things are different for different ethnic groups.

[Reign]

Depends on the culture. In Islam, if the wife goes out to work then typically most or all of her salary is for her to keep...they only one she's obliged to share it with is the tax man. See http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=Islamonline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503545386 if you want more details or guidance.

Lol my wife follows the Islamic ways to the T. But she gives me 100% of the money she works for.

[sheilab]

Lol my wife follows the Islamic ways to the T. But she gives me 100% of the money she works for.

You mean she give 100% of the money to the FAMILY.
I assume that 100% of the money is spent on family expenses and not for what you want.

[ameko]

Also, change the lock of your home.

[Rehan]

Lol my wife follows the Islamic ways to the T. But she gives me 100% of the money she works for. that's well within her right, too. Here in North America where it often takes two salaries to meet the "needs" of a family, having the wife's income go to the family's expenses can be a good option. But if she chose to, she has the right to leave that burden to the husband.

Anyway, although the OP is an immigrant in Mississauga, we don't know if he's Muslim. So let's not go off on this tangent too much. :)

[MrBurns]

Religion aside, it seems to me that this relationship has ended.
I don't understand how you would ruin your kid's lives by divorcing? I guess you feel that they would lead a great love with parents who bicker and fight and demand money from eachother and run off when annoyed.

In two years you won't give a damn. Just take care of your kids and yourself, let her pay for her damn family.

[Deal-lon]

I would close that joint bank account faster than the speed of light. She can't be trusted with money.

Next time, have a secret account.

[fakishan]

The problem here might be that you've always managed the money and she doesn't know anything about money management.

Perhaps you already have, but you should try again to explain her your family budget in detail with all the bills and income stubs as evidence. Make it clear, buy a large sheet of paper and put it up against a wall and clearly draw the incoming money and exiting money for bills, and how much is left in savings.

If she still doubts you, then offer a compromise, tell her she can keep her entire salary, but will have to pay 50% of all the bills(mortgage, utilities, food, taxes, school supplies, gas, family trips, etc).

Tell her that is how an "equal" family works. I don't think she understands how much you both have to lose if your budgeting fails.

Remember, as a middle class earner, you lose everything in a divorce. It is not the solution for you. Some people will claim your marriage has lost its love but in my experience that's how most marriages operate after the first few years. Living constantly with someone makes one take the other for granted. She will be even more miserable than you if you two seperate.

The kids should be fine either way, this is Canada, many other kids have divorced parents and they'll be able to relate and understand.

[sheilab]

Unless she needs new outfits to impress the guy she has on the side.

The kids should be fine either way, this is Canada, many other kids have divorced parents and they'll be able to relate and understand.

No they do not have it fine - there is nothing like having a REAL family with two parents to love and take care of them.

[fakishan]

Unless she needs new outfits to impress the guy she has on the side.

No they do not have it fine - there is nothing like having a REAL family with two parents to love and take care of them.

Fly away troll.

[sheilab]

Fly away troll.

What is a "troll" and why am I one?
Sorry I am new here and don't understand the terminology.

[nyrz]

For the last few months, my wife started complaining that, I do not give her money and she demanded that I give her half of her salary ($900)and do not ask how she is spending.

I do not want to have a divorce because this can ruin my kids life but at the same time I think that if I accept her back, my love for her will not be the same as before

Why not contact her and apologize?

She feels like she has no freedom and you are controlling everything.

Why don't you ask her why she's unhappy?

And compromise.

[setell]

I have a question. Why does she have to ask for money to spend? Sorry OP but you seem to be um a the controlling type. If you ask me I wouldn't be able to live like that too. Maybe in your home country it's "ok" but women tend to be more independant in Canada and want more freedom, especially financially.

Like nyrz said, ask her why she feels she needs the $900/mth? She have to have a good reason to want to have personal money.

[Piccolo]

I have a question. Why does she have to ask for money to spend? Sorry OP but you seem to be um a the controlling type. If you ask me I wouldn't be able to live like that too. Maybe in your home country it's "ok" but women tend to be more independant in Canada and want more freedom, especially financially.

Like nyrz said, ask her why she feels she needs the $900/mth? She have to have a good reason to want to have personal money.
You read my mind.

Have more trust in your wife. Talk to her able the finances. Let her be a decision maker aswell. You have all the control and have given her nothing accept "my way or the highway". but I'm sure there is a lot your are not saying so who knows what really is happening.

[Piccolo]

My wife also started her job in my company and she makes 30K.

For the last 2 years all of our money was going to our joint account and I was paying all my bill including Mortagee. Our take home income was $5000 per month and after all the expeses I was saving $750 per month.

Total saving for the last 2 years was $18000 out of which I spent approx $8000 on the closing cost of our new home and for the rest $10000 I spent $3500 for my wife's/ kids jewelry, $1500 to support her parents in financial need, $1000 on a trip to Montreal with her family on her wish.

Remaining $3500 I invested in stocks as investment for my kids which are now grown to $4500

I did not spent anything on myself (well maybe less than $500 in two years on some hot deals on RFD), I dont drink, dont gamble, dont go to clubs for entertainment, no vacations, I only thought for my kids and how to save money for them so that they can have a better life in future.


You spend money on your wife and kids, but you dont allow your wife to spend money? You use her salary to pay the bills but you refer to it as your money and your bills? Sounds like your wife has a case... if what your saying is true. Man, reading over your blog makes me sick to my stomach thinking about a man having that much control over his wife and believing it is right and just.

[v_tofu]

I have to take the wife side as well dude. i mean, I get what you're trying to do, with paying the bills and what not, but you sound like a controlling person.

[setell]

You spend money on your wife and kids, but you dont allow your wife to spend money? You use her salary to pay the bills but you refer to it as your money and your bills? Sounds like your wife has a case... if what your saying is true. Man, reading over your blog makes me sick to my stomach thinking about a man having that much control over his wife and believing it is right and just.

+1 He used a lot of MY vs OUR (sorry for the caps, my stupid laptop is bilingual and trying to figure out how to turn off the french to get quotes.) in referring to their money. Honestly, this is why I am a fan of the three pot deal vs one pot.

[deltone]

+1 He used a lot of MY vs OUR (sorry for the caps, my stupid laptop is bilingual and trying to figure out how to turn off the french to get quotes.) in referring to their money. Honestly, this is why I am a fan of the three pot deal vs one pot.

Try this.........when you press the quote key, it won't appear but then type the next letter and it should show up. When you press the space key, that works too.