I'm screwed...

[SEDragon]

I was kinda reluctant to posting this here because from what I see, most people here are 80-90 average students lol... But that's also why I feel that you guys can help me out.

Anyways to the main point, first of all sorry for the long post, I typed more than I planned to but don't feel like editing it lol so here's a summary:

-I'm in 2nd year uni., and got suspended for a year after being on probation last semester for having low marks
-having not much motivation for school in the beginning, I now wonder if school is really for me at all
-I have no ******* idea what I want to do in life
-but want to have a decent job

...and the questions in advance:
-need advices on what to do...
-since I'm withdrawn from my program, will I have to repay OSAP starting now?
-I know I won't get the second part of my loan issued this year, but what about the grants?
-how do I break this news to my parents without getting my ass kicked? XD (I know I should just tell them honestly, but we've never been close or on good terms so, I dunno what will happen to me)

The story:
I go to Ryerson, I started the second year of my program in Fall with a probationary standing because I got really low marks and wasn't really trying last year. And then I got suspended or "Required to Withdraw" for a year this semester because I failed to meet the requirements on the probation contract, my marks were too low once again. I was actually trying last sem., but near the end of the semester I just gave up completely -_-

Part of the reasons to why I don't seem to try is because I don't really know if this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. Also because I'm really really lazy, and since I got into uni. I seem to have gotten even lazier and more laid back.
Example: I would procrastinate on assignments and let's say one worth 5% is due, but I didn't do it. I would feel really stressed about it a few days before it's due and try to do it, but in the end if I don't finish it on time, I would just be like: "eh, it's only 5%...". WTF is wrong with me! :confused:
(There's also the social part, which I might explain later...)

It's also because I have no effing clue what I want to do with my life >:( I'm beginning to feel that university is not for me, or rather, school is not for me...

But being Chinese, I'm in the stereotypical situation where my "Asian parents" expects me to graduate from uni. and get a good job and that all my relatives just so happens to be smarter/better at school than me.

If they knew that I don't wanna finish school they'd kick my ass for sure lol, (I didn't tell them I got suspended yet...and I can't imagine what they would do when/if I tell them...)

On the other hand, I myself also want to be able to be well off and live leisurely if not luxuriously haha. Or like many RFDer's lol because from what I see, the majority of people on RFD are pretty well off. But that isn't really possible without getting a degree in today's society...

So yeah, I'm so lost as to what to do now... I have a year to think about it, but what should I do after that? The first thing I need help on is to find out what the hell I want to do in life, and I never seem to be able to do that...there are many things that interest me, but I can't imagine myself doing most of them for a living or I know that I wouldn't be able to get past school for it.

Sorry again for the long [I]long post and for anything that might not make sense, I'm stressed by this lol. Thanks in advance to those that actually took the time to read the whole thing and those who reply.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[affy]

what program are you in? Engineering or Business

I had a friend who was suspending from the fulltime business school at Ryerson and he ended up repeating all his first year classes through the chang school. He did well and was re admitted to the program.

If you're in engineering, I have no idea how you would approach it. There is some student services like counseling offered on campus, you could check that out. Either way its not the end of the world.

[LegiT]

Well, ask yourself, what do you like doing? What do you tend to do everyday or in your free time? You'll probably find something more suiting and be more happy.
With regards to the social part...find people who have similar interests. Take an initiative to get to know them and before you know it, you're friends. Well, that's how I make mine anyway lol.

EDIT: And post the answers....don't just ask yourself mentally.

[dondada83]

What have you been doing all this time? Aren't your parents suspicious that you aren’t in class or are they that oblivious?

You definitely need to tell your parents your situation for starters. You mention that you have interests but feel like there are no opportunities for you? Do you care to elaborate for us?

[rilhouse]

that sucks. you'll have to pay back your OSAP since your not in school but not any grants. be sure to keep in good standing with OSAP otherwise you will not get any future loans should you return to school.

i can't tell you what to do in life only you can decide but uni is not for everyone. you really need to decide what you want to do in life and that should provide you motivation to achieve. you don't need a degree to be successful, if you enjoy working with your hands look into skilled trades, they make big $.

[Psubs]

Oh man, you are screwed. My condolences. :cry:

I'm working, but would rather not be. I'd like to be a Poker Pro, but I'm not that great. :-0

I would say, run away to a foreign country and teach English for a year.

[dondada83]

I would say, run away to a foreign country and teach English for a year.


Unfortunately, most of the companies require you to have a degree or diploma of some sort. :(

[Paranoidandroid]

I know some people who got full-time jobs right out of highschool. After a year or so, they seem to value education more and begin to take initiative towards school. So maybe you can try getting a job and in the process figure out whether you want to continue your education.

I don't think you're screwed just yet.

[LegiT]

^^

Indeed, he's not screwed. He just needs to look at his options and decide which is the best based on what he likes to do. But the thing is, he's got to put in an effort.

Oh man, you are screwed. My condolences. :cry:

I'm working, but would rather not be. I'd like to be a Poker Pro, but I'm not that great. :-0

I would say, run away to a foreign country and teach English for a year.

That depends where as well. Teaching English in Japan is not a well paying job nor will you be working for long. The JET program has you working for 1-2 years before you're kicked out of it. So you're SOL if you can't find another job and the competition is actually quite fierce. In addition to that, there is bias in the hiring process. But this isn't entirely relevent to the OP.

[tabiji]

Well I got suspended for 3 years. There other options :college, ryerson continuing education, university of guelph open courses, etc. You're in a better situation then I am. :twisted:

[sweeper]

No, you're not screwed. Just confused.

Take a year off and get a full time job, whilst figuring out what you want to do with your life. Don't worry about "wasting" a year, if you can come back and achieve higher marks than that year was well spent.

Believe it or not many successful people have been where you are now, one of my professors today gave a speech on how she quit school and spent 10 years as a bartender before she went back to finish her degree and pursue graduate school, although 10 years is a little too much IMO. :)

Good Luck, especially with your parents.

BTW, which Program at Ryerson?

edit: Oh yea, and actually completing assignments wouldn't hurt at all. :lol:

[sweeper]

-but want to have a decent job

Part of the reasons to why I don't seem to try is because I don't really know if this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. Also because I'm really really lazy, and since I got into uni. I seem to have gotten even lazier and more laid back.

On the other hand, I myself also want to be able to be well off and live leisurely if not luxuriously haha. Or like many RFDer's lol because from what I see, the majority of people on RFD are pretty well off. But that isn't really possible without getting a degree in today's society...


These things come with Hard Work. Roll up your sleeves son.

[FerrisB]

Follow your passions. Not many people like the academic part of school but they are motivated by:

-Passion for their chosen career
-Fear of parents (fear of shame etc)
-Love of achievement in general
-Fear of working in a factory all their lives

you get the point.

You're neither passionate enough or fearful enough to apply yourself.

You need to find one of them.

Take a semester off and live on your own. Apply for factory work and picture yourself scraping by for the rest of your life. That will scare you enough to bust your ass.

Getting passionate is the most ideal, but that's a very personal thing. That's more about self exploration.

[geronimo]

I agree with FerrisB, namely there must be some sort of motivation for you. Not all of us really love school, myself included, but I manage to get through it year by year because I am motivated to find a good, well-paying job that I enjoy, and because I have a passion for what I am studying, even though sometimes profs take the fun out of it.

[tabiji]

how do I break this news to my parents without getting my ass kicked? XD (I know I should just tell them honestly, but we've never been close or on good terms so, I dunno what will happen to me)

But being Chinese, I'm in the stereotypical situation where my "Asian parents" expects me to graduate from uni. and get a good job and that all my relatives just so happens to be smarter/better at school than me.

If they knew that I don't wanna finish school they'd kick my ass for sure lol, (I didn't tell them I got suspended yet...and I can't imagine what they would do when/if I tell them...)

Have you gotten any counselling? Also, I am wondering if you're depressed at all? There is a program called Redirection Through Education at George Brown College if you have a history of mental illness or addiction.

I was shy and anti-social. But now I make a effort to talk to my classmates and to speak during the class. I discovered that it really helps to do homework and readings and understand them so I can actually say something worthwhile during class.

[tabiji]

No need to tell your family that you are on probation.

I never told anyone either. My parents never saw my report cards.

[fuddleduddle]

Are you male or female?

No need to tell your family that you are on probation.

Just leave your house and go exercising or look for a job

High chance that his/her parents will find out. They'll know eventually and you'll be in more trouble. Just be open and honest with your parents, and tell them that you're seriously evaluating the situation that you're in.

Don't dream about living a well-off life in the future if you can't even focus on the priorities that are laid out before you. It's time to think critically about your life and what you need to do step by step.

[florider]

I saw this in another thread:

Don't know about what dentist makes , but my friend that is a dental hygienist is making 30-35/h and just started 7 months ago.She is working 12 hours a day ,6 days a week.She is making alot , she loves her job.As should any career path one takes.From those stats alone she is making 120k yearly.She is also getting a house built in vaughan / brampton area .Overall I'd say she is doing pretty good for a person who has only been working for less than a year.

College programs for dental hygienist:

http://www.cdho.org/Registration/EducationalInstitutes.pdf

Dental hygienist, dentist, pharmacist, pharmacist assistant, librarian, photographer seem like good jobs for shy people

http://ca.search.yahoo.com/search?fr=slv1-mdp&p=Pharmacy%20Technicians%20ontario%20college

[v1nc3nt]

Well I got suspended for 3 years. There other options :college, ryerson continuing education, university of guelph open courses, etc. You're in a better situation then I am. :twisted:

lol wut? how do u get 3 years? first time i heard that

dude, work for a year, tell your parents you will pay for the tuition fee with the money u make from work and hopefully find something you u like to study in this time

[tabiji]

lol wut? how do u get 3 years? first time i heard that

dude, work for a year, tell your parents you will pay for the tuition fee with the money u make from work and hopefully find something you u like to study in this time

I am not a dude. I got suspended for a year, went back got low marks again so I got suspended for three years. My situation is better now. Money isn't a big issue now. :|

[BlueHurley]

I saw this in another thread:



College programs for dental hygienist:

http://www.cdho.org/Registration/EducationalInstitutes.pdf

Dental hygienist, dentist, pharmacist, pharmacist assistant, librarian, photographer seem like good jobs for shy people

http://ca.search.yahoo.com/search?fr=slv1-mdp&p=Pharmacy%20Technicians%20ontario%20college
getting into pharmacy and dentistry school isn't easy.

[Saphier]

I agree with the posts that suggest to take a year off and do some soul searching/identity formation.

Go work, find something you're passionate about and then pursue a goal based on that passion. It worked for me. Sure everyone thought I was crazy for taking a year off at the end of high school and delaying my university career then, but I am very glad I did. It made me go into a curriculum that I like instead of one that I would be very unhappy in. What I'd suggest in addition would be to get the support of your parents, which was very important in my case. Though I do admit, it may be different depending on how the deep rift between you and your folks is.

Bottom line, your life isn't over, although it may seem depressing. Lots of options still open!

Best of luck.

[phyrefly]

I agree with the posts that suggest to take a year off and do some soul searching/identity formation.

Go work, find something you're passionate about and then pursue a goal based on that passion. It worked for me. Sure everyone thought I was crazy for taking a year off at the end of high school and delaying my university career then, but I am very glad I did. It made me go into a curriculum that I like instead of one that I would be very unhappy in. What I'd suggest in addition would be to get the support of your parents, which was very important in my case. Though I do admit, it may be different depending on how the deep rift between you and your folks is.

Bottom line, your life isn't over, although it may seem depressing. Lots of options still open!

Best of luck.

+1.

Looking back, I wish I had done the same. If you're not in a tight financial situation, do some backpacking, random exploring or just stuff you enjoy and think about what you want to do for life. When I'm in university, it's like going through a 4-month long assembly line.

Your life is over when your career essentially becomes your life ;)

[Saphier]

Chinese parents tend not to be supportive. They tend to be verbal abusers.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Kwu8kanyFw

Haha my parents are Chinese :razz: Guess I got lucky in that respect!

[sxz]

You're only screwed in the eyes of your parents. Don't forget your options are still wide open.

[v1nc3nt]

My situation is better now. Money isn't a big issue now. :|

the second part of the comment was directed at SEDragon, not you.

[actyper]

Reminds me a bit of myself.

Smart guy, not the greatest work ethic. B+ average in high school, but pretty sure i'm actually smarter than the A+ geeks.

Goofed off my 1st yr in university. Got the 1yr boot. University made me lazier as well.

Chinese as well, so know what you mean about parents. So I took Computer Science. I liked computers, but programming is just not me.

Worked full time for a year

Went back to school after that and got a degree in something else

You still have tons of time, just take the year off school and figure things out.

[omchow]

Hopefully SEDragon has gone over the reply's ppl made, as lot of you gave great responses to his situation.

Doing bad initially in university is not the end of the world. I have seen many ppl ace highschool and bomb university since they went into a program they did not want to do and end up dropping out.

Not everyone chooses the right program and university they want to do immediately after high school. When other universities or college reject your application to enter another university or program don't let that bring you down.

Do side courses like in continuing education at various colleges or even at Ryerson University since that is where you are coming from. Get good marks in those and see if studying is your thing. Re-apply to another program and you will have a better chance of getting in with better marks you achieved in continuing education.

Study hard, don't slack off, aim high and you will achieve.

[coolspot]

Transfer into an arts program, and get a general arts degree. That'll satisfy your parents requirements of a university degree, and provide you with decent credentials for the work environment.

However, finding a good job is up to you - on the side, I suggest you take diploma or certificate programs to pad your resume. Sorry no free lunch in this world!

[sweeper]

OP hasn't replied. Maybe the parents gave him/her the boot? :|

[omchow]

OP hasn't replied. Maybe the parents gave him/her the boot? :|

ya thats what I was thinking

[SEDragon]

OP hasn't replied. Maybe the parents gave him/her the boot? :|
No lol, I was just having problems with my crappy computer -_-. Also, I didn't really expect to have so much replies, thanks a lot guys, lots of great replies. It's reassuring and makes me feel a bit better lol. Really appreciate it.

I'll try to answer most of the questions:
-I'm a guy
-I'm in Graphic Communications Management (didn't really wanna post this since the program is quite small, people in my year would probably know who I am, but...what the hell)
-the suspension starts this semester, Winter 09, so my parents don't know yet. If I was suspended since Fall then of course they'd know by now
-still dunno how to tell my parents about this, considered saying "I'll be doing co-op this sem"...XD but afraid that it might come back and bite me in the ass

Sorry, it's late and I'm tired so I didn't bother directing the answers back to the people who asked... Also, will post more info/answers soon.

Meanwhile I have to take care of OSAP/tuition refund:
One of you said that I'd have to start repaying OSAP now, but isn't there a way to put it "on hold" or something? Like for people who decide to take a year off? I remember seeing something about that...

Also as I said before, will I be able to get my grant (original amount) or will they re-calculate it and then give me what's left? Do I just need to see the people from the OSAP pickup booths about this?

Thanks again.

[BBQPorkBun]

firstly, its not the end of the world, so lets not think of it that way

secondly, you gotta change your way of thinking for many of the things you mentioned. you put in nothing, you get nothing. shouldn't be surprised by this right, hence, your fantasy of being lazy, doing nothing and getting something, ain't gonna happen.

thirdly, many people don't know what they are doing. 40% of students come out doing something other than what they studied. many people find what they want to do later, either throughout or after university or after 10-15 years but its always a work in progress. perhaps stopping university is the right thing to do because its not for everyone.

however, having said that, you really don't have excuses for failing. i had no direction at one point and hated my course but i still sat there and read the book because hey, i paid for that course. your choice to not do the work is something in your nature and not because of a lack of direction

advise you to find your path, where its a work in progress of finding what you want to do. if its college, take courses from different areas for example. find something and commit to it and give it a real try. whatever the path may be, 0 effort also means 0 results, so don't expect different.

if you really want to throw yourself into reality, move out, be on your own, be in a situation where you either work or don't eat. so then you work, and you'll hate the job so much that its probably motivation for you to do something and do better. if its not motivation enough, welcome to the highlight of your life.

[custy]

First of all, thanks for taking the time to post a detailed post. It is good grounds for some input.

I am Chinese also and I have been told by my parents that if schooling doesn't work out, don't waste time/resources and go get employed. If the university life style is not for you, you should consider a hands on trade of some sort. However, at the same time, many Chinese people look down upon people that work in these trades... which I find really stupid. I come from a family with many tradespeople that include contractors, plumbers and electricans. They don't look down upon but would advise me not to enter the trades as it is physically hard demanding work with long hours and changing environments. The money is excellent.

I would advise you to have a talk with your parents and explain to them your situations. It will hurt now but it will be better for you in the future.

[matdwyer]

No lol, I was just having problems with my crappy computer -_-. Also, I didn't really expect to have so much replies, thanks a lot guys, lots of great replies. It's reassuring and makes me feel a bit better lol. Really appreciate it.

I'll try to answer most of the questions:
-I'm a guy
-I'm in Graphic Communications Management (didn't really wanna post this since the program is quite small, people in my year would probably know who I am, but...what the hell)
-the suspension starts this semester, Winter 09, so my parents don't know yet. If I was suspended since Fall then of course they'd know by now
-still dunno how to tell my parents about this, considered saying "I'll be doing co-op this sem"...XD but afraid that it might come back and bite me in the ass

Sorry, it's late and I'm tired so I didn't bother directing the answers back to the people who asked... Also, will post more info/answers soon.

Meanwhile I have to take care of OSAP/tuition refund:
One of you said that I'd have to start repaying OSAP now, but isn't there a way to put it "on hold" or something? Like for people who decide to take a year off? I remember seeing something about that...

Also as I said before, will I be able to get my grant (original amount) or will they re-calculate it and then give me what's left? Do I just need to see the people from the OSAP pickup booths about this?

Thanks again.

>:( Sorry to hear

[Roseburger]

Well it is hard to tell your parents about this seeing they expect alot from you... and your relatives stereotypical situation. your parents are obviously going to be mad at you, but then again it's the consequences of your failure. if you want to succeed, you need to pursue with determination and confidence. only then you can succeed. you being lazy is lack of determination and confidence in yourself.

[florider]

if you really want to throw yourself into reality, move out, be on your own, be in a situation where you either work or don't eat. so then you work, and you'll hate the job so much that its probably motivation for you to do something and do better. if its not motivation enough, welcome to the highlight of your life.

I agree that living on your own, paying bills and being poor is a good motivator.

His parents don't seem like the supportive type so he shouldn't bother telling them details about his life. They will just yell at him and insult him.

[HockeyFan]

Don't feel bad. Alot of people I talk to actually had really bad grades in their first 2 years. In fact, some of those same people were on probation too. Now, all of those students are getting A's in 3rd and 4th year. It's part of maturing.

I was one of those people who failed courses and did poorly in 1st year. Did ok in second year but nothing to be proud of.

After that I smartened up, made the dean's list, won scholarships/awards, and am now doing my masters.

I think the key is taking less courses at first and really doing well in them. That means going to office hours when you're unsure of how to do something. Then you'll gain some confidence and can take on more courses.