CNN.com published an article about the proper way to be friends with benefits - lol

[st7860]

½

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/10/09/tf.friends.with.benefits/index.html

There are times in every woman's life where her body wants either what her heart can't handle or her brain knows better.


Men are seemingly born knowing how to detract emotions from sex, but women can have a harder time of it.

You know the drill -- you want a man, but not a relationship. Or, more to the point, you want some loving, but don't want the strings attached.

Maybe you're wildly attracted to a dude physically, but find him mentally or morally lacking -- like a tanning technician or a bounty hunter.

There's no way you'd ever date him, but why should you deny yourself entirely?

Answer: Not a reason in the world.

Negotiating a long-term, friends-with-benefits type situation can be tricky for us ladies.

Dudes are seemingly born knowing how to detract emotions from physical activity. In fact, with many of them, I think it's their default setting. They can spend the night with a woman and then meander off into the sunset without giving the assignation a second thought.

But women can have a harder time of it. We worry that we're being "used" (hello? Pot meet Kettle!) or feel like we're being promiscuous -- talk about a double standard!

The trick is to accept what you've got with this person and avoid trying to make it something it'll never be. I've certainly been guilty of trying to turn a completely fine FWB into a BF, and the results were predictably disastrous.

So here are some pitfalls to avoid:

• Language: Yes, it helps if he speaks a foreign language you don't understand, but that's not what I'm talking about. Pronouns like us or we are to be avoided like an open sore and all talk of plans further into the future than an hour or two away is verboten.

• Meals: Acceptable FWB dining situations include shared bowls of cocktail peanuts, late-night grilled cheese sandwiches, and fancy desserts. Meals to be avoided are breakfast, brunch, dinner, with a special get-out-of-jail free card for lunch.

• Conversation: Questions any more probing than "what are you wearing?" and "when can we meet?" can get a little sticky. Your FWB doesn't want to hear about your crazy mom and you really don't want him to start yapping about his Ayn Rand fixation. Keep it light, keep it moving.

• Socializing: He doesn't meet your friends, you don't meet his. That goes double for family members. The best thing about having a FWB is that he's your dirty little secret.

I remember being out with a girlfriend and running into the French-Canadian model I was spending my nights with at the time. He kissed me hello as my friend's jaw dropped down three flights of stairs. Blushing, I introduced him to my buddy who was still having trouble recovering her powers of speech. As he walked away, she punched me. Hard. "Shut up!" she yelled. I just smiled.

On second thought, if he's that hot you might want to bring him around just for a drive-by

[Eyies]

Women take note. If you think you've got these down pat, throw me a PM.

[lazarus]

Heh, I should send this to the girl I'm seeing now. Looking at the checklist everything fits. Her first language isn't ENG or French. I don't take her out for supper and we don't cook for eachother. I can't care less about her day and I basically just ask her to come to my place. I won't take her to meet friends or invite her when I go out of the city on weekends..

It seemed like it was ok at first, but now she is starting to get annoying.. (wants me to take her places and cancel my weekend plans to hang w/ her..)

One thing should be added to this checklist. If the guy doen't call or want to see you for like a week, it's a clear call of friends with benifits.. (or vise versa)

Maybe this article will set her straight. ;)

+ 5 lol

[serathe]

Heh, I should send this to the girl I'm seeing now.

Dude. How are you seeing her? You probably aren't helping talking like that LOL

Just that sentence to me implies you are dating her.

[st7860]

Heh, I should send this to the girl I'm seeing now. Looking at the checklist everything fits. Her first language isn't ENG or French. I don't take her out for supper and we don't cook for eachother. I can't care less about her day and I basically just ask her to come to my place. I won't take her to meet friends or invite her when I go out of the city on weekends..

It seemed like it was ok at first, but now she is starting to get annoying.. (wants me to take her places and cancel my weekend plans to hang w/ her..)

One thing should be added to this checklist. If the guy doen't call or want to see you for like a week, it's a clear call of friends with benifits.. (or vise versa)

Maybe this article will set her straight. ;)

+ 5 lol

not english or french - then spanish?

[lazarus]

not english or french - then spanish?

ATM I am living in the land of the rising sun, so her first language is Japanese. Though I only speak English w/ her.. (me no speaky Japanesy)

[lazarus]

Dude. How are you seeing her? You probably aren't helping talking like that LOL

Just that sentence to me implies you are dating her.

What should I say then? I see her, we mess around, then I see her go. :cheesygri

I've never taken her on a date, so we can't be dating. :)

[serathe]

What should I say then? I see her, we mess around, then I see her go. :cheesygri

I've never taken her on a date, so we can't be dating. :)

Booty call :)

[Nikita]

½

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/10/09/tf.friends.with.benefits/index.html

There are times in every woman's life where her body wants either what her heart can't handle or her brain knows better.


Men are seemingly born knowing how to detract emotions from sex, but women can have a harder time of it.

You know the drill -- you want a man, but not a relationship. Or, more to the point, you want some loving, but don't want the strings attached.

Maybe you're wildly attracted to a dude physically, but find him mentally or morally lacking -- like a tanning technician or a bounty hunter.

There's no way you'd ever date him, but why should you deny yourself entirely?

Answer: Not a reason in the world.

Negotiating a long-term, friends-with-benefits type situation can be tricky for us ladies.

Dudes are seemingly born knowing how to detract emotions from physical activity. In fact, with many of them, I think it's their default setting. They can spend the night with a woman and then meander off into the sunset without giving the assignation a second thought.

But women can have a harder time of it. We worry that we're being "used" (hello? Pot meet Kettle!) or feel like we're being promiscuous -- talk about a double standard!

The trick is to accept what you've got with this person and avoid trying to make it something it'll never be. I've certainly been guilty of trying to turn a completely fine FWB into a BF, and the results were predictably disastrous.

So here are some pitfalls to avoid:

• Language: Yes, it helps if he speaks a foreign language you don't understand, but that's not what I'm talking about. Pronouns like us or we are to be avoided like an open sore and all talk of plans further into the future than an hour or two away is verboten.

• Meals: Acceptable FWB dining situations include shared bowls of cocktail peanuts, late-night grilled cheese sandwiches, and fancy desserts. Meals to be avoided are breakfast, brunch, dinner, with a special get-out-of-jail free card for lunch.

• Conversation: Questions any more probing than "what are you wearing?" and "when can we meet?" can get a little sticky. Your FWB doesn't want to hear about your crazy mom and you really don't want him to start yapping about his Ayn Rand fixation. Keep it light, keep it moving.

• Socializing: He doesn't meet your friends, you don't meet his. That goes double for family members. The best thing about having a FWB is that he's your dirty little secret.

I remember being out with a girlfriend and running into the French-Canadian model I was spending my nights with at the time. He kissed me hello as my friend's jaw dropped down three flights of stairs. Blushing, I introduced him to my buddy who was still having trouble recovering her powers of speech. As he walked away, she punched me. Hard. "Shut up!" she yelled. I just smiled.

On second thought, if he's that hot you might want to bring him around just for a drive-by

Sounds like a perfectly acceptable kind of relationship to me...:cheesygri . And I love that bolded part...lol!


One thing should be added to this checklist. If the girl doen't call or want to see you for like a week, it's a clear call of friends with benifits.. (or vise versa)

Maybe this article will set her straight. ;)

+ 5 lol

Fixed....for the women here...;). Yes boys, it does indeed go both ways...:cheesygri

[licious]

That's fine if you can completely take your emotions out of the equation, but I personally wouldn't be able to. I have never been able to be intimate with someone that I wasn't emotionally involved with and I wouldn't want to start now. :)

I sort of feel sorry for girls who have "friends with benefits." They should respect themselves more than that.

[sexpuppet6000]

Fixed....for the women here...;). Yes boys, it does indeed go both ways...:cheesygri

ho

[Shaner]

I sort of feel sorry for girls who have "friends with benefits." They should respect themselves more than that.

I really don't understand this thought process. Sex and love are two completely separate things. They have nothing to do with each other. Just because we have been raised to think they are somehow unified doesn't make it so. So a women (or man for that matter) who was a friend with benefits doesn't necessarily not respect herself enough. It has nothing to do with respect. It's just sex, nothing more, nothing less.

[Setz]

When my previous relationship went down the toilet, she wanted to know if we wanted to be friends with benefits. I told her to GTFO.

[jstaneon]

its a shame that there are people like this out there. No wonder std's are running rampant.

[Nikita]

That's fine if you can completely take your emotions out of the equation, but I personally wouldn't be able to. I have never been able to be intimate with someone that I wasn't emotionally involved with and I wouldn't want to start now. :)

I sort of feel sorry for girls who have "friends with benefits." They should respect themselves more than that.

Oh please, do NOT feel sorry for me, sounds like you're 12 ! And I have an immense sense of self-respect. Believe it or not, the 'friend' part of 'friends with benefits' implies that both parties are respectful of each other and the relationship. I think you're confusing 'fwb' with sleeping around, having one-night stands with anybody or everybody. Couldn't be more wrong. Hopefully you'll understand the concept when you get older.

ho

Huh? ROFL...now that's funny!

its a shame that there are people like this out there. No wonder std's are running rampant.

Another baseless and ridiculous assumption...:rolleyes: Since when does sleeping with a friend without being in love with them mean having unprotected sex and passing on STDs??:confused:

[Logos88]

It's funny that when a guy does it, their friends give him high-fives. But when a lady does it, their friends call her a slut.

It seems like some people believe it's impossible for ladies to enjoy sex, that they're always in a disadvantaged, "more to lose", position. If you're one of them, I urge you to tell your boyfriend: "You're doing it wrong!"

[najibs]

It's funny that when a guy does it, their friends give him high-fives. But when a lady does it, their friends call her a slut.

It seems like some people believe it's impossible for ladies to enjoy sex, that they're always in a disadvantaged, "more to lose", position. If you're one of them, I urge you to tell your boyfriend: "You're doing it wrong!"

Oh no. Ladies are just as horny as men. The difference is that they're not as open about it for fear they'd be seen as a slut. Trust me though, I've known some women that have wanted it way more than men, but they just keep it hush hush, hence why you don't hear about it as much. Guys usually just brag and exaggerate the truth. THen again, so do women, except they brag about how innocent they are :twisted:

[Nikita]

Oh no. Ladies are just as horny as men. The difference is that they're not as open about it for fear they'd be seen as a slut. Trust me though, I've known some women that have wanted it way more than men, but they just keep it hush hush, hence why you don't hear about it as much. Guys usually just brag and exaggerate the truth. THen again, so do women, except they brag about how innocent they are :twisted:

Hell, we get called that even when we don't necessarily 'want it more than men', or are 'just as horny as men'. We get called that for simply liking a FWB relationship...

ho

Pfffffffffft....lol.

Or people feel sorry and see as disrespectful those of us who actually can enjoy that kind of r'ship. Now that's funny...




I sort of feel sorry for girls who have "friends with benefits." They should respect themselves more than that.

[najibs]

Hell, we get called that even when we don't necessarily A.) 'want it more than men', or are B.)'just as horny as men'. We get called that for simply liking a FWB relationship...


So tell us Nikita, are you A or B? :twisted:

[Nikita]

So tell us Nikita, are you A or B? :twisted:

Nu uh najibs *sticking own tongue out*...lol. A girl's gotta have some secrets y'know!;)

[najibs]

Nu uh najibs *sticking own tongue out*...lol. A girl's gotta have some secrets y'know!;)

I'll take your response to mean C.) All of the above :lol:

[licious]

I really don't understand this thought process. Sex and love are two completely separate things. They have nothing to do with each other. Just because we have been raised to think they are somehow unified doesn't make it so. So a women (or man for that matter) who was a friend with benefits doesn't necessarily not respect herself enough. It has nothing to do with respect. It's just sex, nothing more, nothing less.

It's nice to pretend that girls enter into these types of relationships just for the physical gratification, but I just don’t buy it. Men and women differ in their attitudes about sex, and perhaps a minority of girls can be physically intimate with someone without developing feelings but the majority can’t. At the end of the day, people can do what they want, but I generally do feel sorry for girls who settle these types of arrangements because it eats away at their self-esteem over time.

[licious]

Oh please, do NOT feel sorry for me, sounds like you're 12 ! And I have an immense sense of self-respect. Believe it or not, the 'friend' part of 'friends with benefits' implies that both parties are respectful of each other and the relationship. I think you're confusing 'fwb' with sleeping around, having one-night stands with anybody or everybody. Couldn't be more wrong. Hopefully you'll understand the concept when you get older.


I wasn’t talking about you specifically. In fact, given your hostility and perpetual bitterness, you should be happy with any relationships you have in your life. :)

Usually when two people enter into a FWB-type relationship, it’s generally because one person wants a proper relationship and the other simply doesn’t. I would encourage girls not to settle for an emotionally unfulfilling relationship just for the sex, because physical intimacy is much more satisfying when you genuinely care about the person you are with and they care about you.

[FearSonic]

It's nice to pretend that girls enter into these types of relationships just for the physical gratification, but I just don’t buy it. Men and women differ in their attitudes about sex, and perhaps a minority of girls can be physically intimate with someone without developing feelings but the majority can’t. At the end of the day, people can do what they want, but I generally do feel sorry for girls who settle these types of arrangements because it eats away at their self-esteem over time.

So... how long have you been inside that bubble of yours?

Truth is, a lot of girls really do want it just as much. The ones who don't? Well, they're probably conditioned to not want it as much by the media and social pressures.

[Nikita]

It's nice to pretend that girls enter into these types of relationships just for the physical gratification, but I just don’t buy it. Men and women differ in their attitudes about sex, and perhaps a minority of girls can be physically intimate with someone without developing feelings but the majority can’t. At the end of the day, people can do what they want, but I generally do feel sorry for girls who settle these types of arrangements because it eats away at their self-esteem over time.

Before you criticize, you should realize that not all girls are like you or think like you or love like you (and thank god for that!)....and that your way isn't the only or the right way. I feel sorry for you for living with such a rigid worldview, your life must be pretting boring, settling for societal constraints and letting those constraints dictate your level of self-esteem and what you should want out of life. Personally I get my self-esteem from within myself, values I was raised with and opinions of people from all walks and ways of life. You seem to have that cinderella complex thing going...and for that I truly pity you, cuz that's a fairy tale, always has been and always will be.

I wasn’t talking about you specifically. In fact, given your hostility and perpetual bitterness, you should be happy with any relationships you have in your life. :)

Usually when two people enter into a FWB-type relationship, it’s generally because one person wants a proper relationship and the other simply doesn’t. I would encourage girls not to settle for an emotionally unfulfilling relationship just for the sex, because physical intimacy is much more satisfying when you genuinely care about the person you are with and they care about you.

Perhaps you could show me where I've ever been hostile or bitter...lol...cuz I'm actually a very happy person, happy with my life, where it's been, where I'm going, the values I live my life with and more importantly, the way I feel about myself.

As to your assessment of FWB relationships, that just reinforces your very narrow worldview and your lack of knowledge of the varying types of relationships people find fulfilling. Because if you call anything except the cinderella story 'emotionally unfulfilling' or 'settling', you'll be the one who ends up bitter.

So lighten up, throw off those societal constraints that tell you what's right and wrong, what will make you happy or not, think for yourself for a change.....and just enjoy life.... if your capable ;)

[Setz]

Before you criticize, you should realize that not all girls are like you or think like you or love like you (and thank god for that!)....and that your way isn't the only or the right way. I feel sorry for you for living with such a rigid worldview, your life must be pretting boring, settling for societal constraints and letting those constraints dictate your level of self-esteem and what you should want out of life. Personally I get my self-esteem from within myself, values I was raised with and opinions of people from all walks and ways of life. You seem to have that cinderella complex thing going...and for that I truly pity you, cuz that's a fairy tale, always has been and always will be.



Perhaps you could show me where I've ever been hostile or bitter...lol...cuz I'm actually a very happy person, happy with my life, where it's been, where I'm going, the values I live my life with and more importantly, the way I feel about myself.

As to your assessment of FWB relationships, that just reinforces your very narrow worldview and your lack of knowledge of the varying types of relationships people find fulfilling. Because if you call anything except the cinderella story 'emotionally unfulfilling' or 'settling', you'll be the one who ends up bitter.

So lighten up, throw off those societal constraints that tell you what's right and wrong, what will make you happy or not, think for yourself for a change.....and just enjoy life.... if your capable ;)

You can't criticize someone because their morals tell them to not have sexual relations with someone they're not currently going out with or married to. I, personally, would never have NSA sex or a FWB, because I was raised a certain way, and my personal beliefs go against. Just like how licious' way isn't the only or right, your way isn't any different.

[Nikita]

You can't criticize someone because their morals tell them to not have sexual relations with someone they're not currently going out with or married to. I, personally, would never have NSA sex or a FWB, because I was raised a certain way, and my personal beliefs go against. Just like how licious' way isn't the only or right, your way isn't any different.

And if you'd read my post you'd see that that was exactly my point. How'd you miss my main point....that everyone has different ways of living, everyone has different values, different ideas of right and wrong, different needs and wants etc etc etc. and that there is NO one right or wrong way. Liscious is the one you should be telling this too, as she's the one saying anything but her way is wrong.

I never criticized licious for her morals...I don't know where you got that from? Again you've got it backward, she's criticizing my opinion. I respect her worldview even though it's not min, she doesn't respect mine because it's not hers. No I wasn't criticizing, I was merely responding to her in her own language, the language she used with me anyway.

[FearSonic]

You can't criticize someone because their morals tell them to not have sexual relations with someone they're not currently going out with or married to. I, personally, would never have NSA sex or a FWB, because I was raised a certain way, and my personal beliefs go against. Just like how licious' way isn't the only or right, your way isn't any different.

Somebody's been hitting up Craigslist Casual Encounters!