Improving Communication Skills

[Karsa]

Hi, I have seen on the off topic forum, threads about improving diction and essay writing and what not so I guess I'll ask a question similar to those. Overall I am a pretty quiet person, I have a hard time getting a good conversation going with someone I recently met and it takes a pretty long while for me to be able to make a good conversation with them. Other people I see are really good at it, they can meet someone and end up talking to them and 10 minutes later they are talking to them like they are best friends. What are some ways to improve my communication skills such that I can keep a good conversation going and makes new friends easily. It seems that with new people, I am really unsure about what to say to keep them interested. Any ideas?
Thanks

[AudiDude]

People like to talk about themselves (unless they are hiding something). Find what interests them, and invite them to talk about it by asking questions. If they turn the tables and ask what you like, talk a little and relate it to what they like and ask them another question (utilizing a topic they like and know)to sidestep the situation. People don't (usuallly) bite, so why be afraid? What is the worst thing you can think of happening to you? Most people will pick a painful agonizing death. Since this is most likely not going to happen from talking, relax.

Once you don't worry so much, things flow. If you are worried about poor English, in Canada you are a majority and anybody that can't (won't) figure out what you are saying is usually not worth talking to. Try not to use catch phrases and buzz words unless you are 1000% sure you know when to use them. Nothing will make someone lose interest in talking to you faster when you try to impress them for no reason.

[Dimension]

Get a job at a call center, they give you a script and you read off of it. Once you are comfortable you can kinda stray from it. I swear it has perfected my patience and communication skills, because you have to strike up a conversation with strangers, and get them to trust you...and you have to show them you are sincerce and genuine. Haha, I called about 150 people in 60 minutes, I learned a lot and fast too. But what sucks, is that you lack the face-to-face intimacy with people--since you are not able to read their facial expression, and body language. Learning to read people's body language is vital. Nevertheless, it's a good place to start...

Also, you can just observe how your friends have their conversations and just kinda imiatate them on other people. Start with, "Hey, how's it going? It's been awhile. What have you been up to? Have you done anything exciting? What are your plans for the summer?" Questions that are open ended and personalized always get conversation going. Practice makes perfect. Have confidence in yourself.

[isom3tric]

Dimension's advice is good, and yeah you do lack the face-to-face interaction. So thats why I recommend working retail / in the mall. For your whole shift you interact with many people. Thats how I overcame my shyness (although no fully yet) but during work you are forced to interact with people. May it be happy people, sad people, ANGRY people, you learn how to handle a lot.

PS. I'm still a little shy about talking to strangers outside of work, simply because I can't just go up to them a say "Good morning/afternoon is there anything I can help/find you today?" :P

[Sheek]

I myself struggled with this same thing when I was younger. I overcame it through working. Almost any job you do will require some daily interaction and this will help you tremendously.

[Talamasca]

Agreed that pretty much everyone loves to talk about themselves. Just ask them what they like to do, what they do for a living, etc. and ask follow up questions. Like if they say they like to travel, ask them where they've been, what they liked/disliked about the place. Bonus points if you've been there too as you have now established a common bond. Avoid asking questions with a yes or no answer. The more they talk, the easier it is for you to talk and before you know it, you've got a new best friend! :D

[Karsa]

Ok thanks for the replies everyone:cheesygri . I wanted to get a job simply for the purpose of more face-to-face interaction, but I was not able to get an interview (didn't say I tried my best with the job hunt though) so I pretty much gave up on that. I don't want people to get confused with what I am asking though. I did not make this thread because I have no friends, nor because I can't speak english. I was born and raised in Canada, so the language not a problem and I do have friends, however, I just find that it takes longer than it should to make more friends that I can talk to pretty much everyday.

I have no problem with small talk when I meet someone, but it does get boring when you are always talking about the same old thing all the time (ie. weather, what they are interested in, etc.). I need to learn how to make that next big step that forms a bond with the other person. When I just meet someone and try to start a good conversation, it gets quite difficult though cause it feels like I am playing a game of Beat the Clock because I am trying not to bore them. So basically I am trying to learn how to keep the other person interested when speaking with me but I always end up falling short on what to say to them. Keep the responses coming, they are really helping out.

- Thanks