How to cope with my new life and old relationship

[nickia]

I'm in a relationship with a girl I met back in the summer. Now I'm in university, although it's wrong but sometimes I feel my relationship as a block to my new social life. I see it as a comfort zone where I can relax and fall back without having the urge or need to meet new people, and I think it's not healthy for me this way.

I'm normally not a outgoing person, the only reason I got my gf is that I basically became another person for the summer due to my frustration and desperation. Right now I'm settled and lost the energy I had in the summer to go out and talk to everyone, make friends, and start random conversations. It's a very bad timing since I'm just beginning my new four years of experience and the first year is the most precious time to make friends.

Out of 4 days of Frosh, I skipped two days and locked myself in my room. I don't know what to do. If I had my energy like I did back in the summer, I would be going wild and crazy with people right now instead of locking myself up.

Any expert advice out there so I can recover and transform?

[D-Roc]

Any expert advice out there so I can recover and transform?


Why would you come to an internet forum looking for "expert advice"? If you want an expert to help you go see a shrink. You have issues that need to be dealt with.

[ji2o0k]

you should fap to help ease the stress...

........it does take some energy to socialize, but you really need to want to do that and not force yourself to do it at the time.

Try and motivate yourself to go out and meet new people during Frosh week. I look back at Frosh week and it was so much fun ! I definitely met a lot of people , some I remained close with, others I don't even know what happened.

You will meet a lot of people over the course of the school year as well. People in your class etc. So don't sweat it about making friends during Frosh week, just be yourself and go have some fun...

[jdmkidd]

You think too much it is simpler than it seems.

[kitbor]

Dump her. You don't even care about her. You got a girlfriend just 'cause having nothing else to do. Let her meet a better person.

[Rocketo]

well before i say cut her loose i think u should post a picture of her and we'll be the judge of that

[express.items]

Dump her. You don't even care about her. You got a girlfriend just 'cause having nothing else to do. Let her meet a better person.

ask her what you should do!

[Driftwood]

It sounds like you're just settling, its not fair to her if you're just in it because you're too lazy to find a more compatible partner. If you don't see a future with her, end it now and start enjoying your university years. You'll both move on and probably end up meeting better matches. :)

[ds2chan]

Out of 4 days of Frosh, I skipped two days and locked myself in my room.


um, I think your relationship is the least of your worries if you're doing this.. go see a shrink as already mentioned..

[ephemera]

Drink Beer. You'll find your answer.

[gei]

Drink Beer. You'll find your answer.

+1

[demanche]

+Tostitos

[ricoboxing]

Hello, I am a psychic. My name is Joe Joe
I am getting a vision of you in the future
http://www.sonic.net/maledicta/images/aman_mugshot.jpg

[thecharlie]

..I think it's time for you to consult a therapist.

[corrupt123]

Drink Beer. You'll find your answer.

+2

Any alcohol for that matter.

[mxhp00]

you should fap to help ease the stress...

LOL I've noticed you saying this alot when people are seeking advice on RFD. I suppose this your solution for all life problems? :lol:

[PMech]

Turkey dump....

[nickia]

I think at this point, I don't really have to see a "shrink" yet.
This is the first time where I leave my family and friends I have for 5 years and move to a complete "foreign" city.

I enjoy her accompaniment in real life but I feel so irritated when talking to her online. Most of the time I'd end up frustrating myself. Her replies on MSN are often out of sync - I have to stare at the chatbox for few minutes before I see anything in return. Moreover, sometimes she replies "LOL" and expects me to continue talking! I have talked to her about this issue and she tells me her computer is slow:confused: .

What makes it worse is that she has a good guy friend (from our same work place) who is a totally dick. He was spreading rumour about that I was cheating on her. Everyone hates that s.o.b. except my gf. Her attitude is really getting into my nerves.

I told her that I would make the effort to travel 500km roundtrip to visit twice per month, but she is unwilling to call-in-sick for work just for one day to meet me. Her reasons being: The workplace is short of people and she can't let her co-workers down by calling-in sick. Plus, she has never called-in-sick for 6 months and counting.

I believe that she really likes me but she does not understand how to express herself and how to make me feel wanted/appreciated.

One time I went to visit her in Brampton and wanted some private time with her. However, she insisted that I have to meet her girl buddies. For the morning, I ended up seeing a movie that I've seen prior just to "save" one of her girl friend from an unwanted date with another guy. After the movie, she forced me to go to another girl friend house. I ended up watching another movie (cam version Simpsons) with her girl friend and her girl friend's 6 year old sister. And that wrapped it for the day. After all, I enjoyed that day but was curious why she wanted me to meet all her friends.


My mood swing is too great: at some point I want to break up, but after a nap or few hours, I'd change my mind 180 degree.

At this point I'd rather stay single but I'm afraid that I would regret my decision - I'm always hot tempered and rush things before I realize what they are.

thanks

[UrbanPoet]

I think at this point, I don't really have to see a "shrink" yet.
This is the first time where I leave my family and friends I have for 5 years and move to a complete "foreign" city.

I enjoy her accompaniment in real life but I feel so irritated when talking to her online. Most of the time I'd end up frustrating myself. Her replies on MSN are often out of sync - I have to stare at the chatbox for few minutes before I see anything in return. Moreover, sometimes she replies "LOL" and expects me to continue talking! I have talked to her about this issue and she tells me her computer is slow:confused: .

What makes it worse is that she has a good guy friend (from our same work place) who is a totally dick. He was spreading rumour about that I was cheating on her. Everyone hates that s.o.b. except my gf. Her attitude is really getting into my nerves.

I told her that I would make the effort to travel 500km roundtrip to visit twice per month, but she is unwilling to call-in-sick for work just for one day to meet me. Her reasons being: The workplace is short of people and she can't let her co-workers down by calling-in sick. Plus, she has never called-in-sick for 6 months and counting.

I believe that she really likes me but she does not understand how to express herself and how to make me feel wanted/appreciated.

One time I went to visit her in Brampton and wanted some private time with her. However, she insisted that I have to meet her girl buddies. For the morning, I ended up seeing a movie that I've seen prior just to "save" one of her girl friend from an unwanted date with another guy. After the movie, she forced me to go to another girl friend house. I ended up watching another movie (cam version Simpsons) with her girl friend and her girl friend's 6 year old sister. And that wrapped it for the day. After all, I enjoyed that day but was curious why she wanted me to meet all her friends.


My mood swing is too great: at some point I want to break up, but after a nap or few hours, I'd change my mind 180 degree.

At this point I'd rather stay single but I'm afraid that I would regret my decision - I'm always hot tempered and rush things before I realize what they are.

thanks

that doesnt sound good....
She's most likely screwing around with other guys while being away @ university.
I've met a lot of girls that done this...

[Spiderpal93]

I think at this point, I don't really have to see a "shrink" yet.
This is the first time where I leave my family and friends I have for 5 years and move to a complete "foreign" city.

I enjoy her accompaniment in real life but I feel so irritated when talking to her online. Most of the time I'd end up frustrating myself. Her replies on MSN are often out of sync - I have to stare at the chatbox for few minutes before I see anything in return. Moreover, sometimes she replies "LOL" and expects me to continue talking! I have talked to her about this issue and she tells me her computer is slow:confused: .

What makes it worse is that she has a good guy friend (from our same work place) who is a totally dick. He was spreading rumour about that I was cheating on her. Everyone hates that s.o.b. except my gf. Her attitude is really getting into my nerves.

I told her that I would make the effort to travel 500km roundtrip to visit twice per month, but she is unwilling to call-in-sick for work just for one day to meet me. Her reasons being: The workplace is short of people and she can't let her co-workers down by calling-in sick. Plus, she has never called-in-sick for 6 months and counting.

I believe that she really likes me but she does not understand how to express herself and how to make me feel wanted/appreciated.

One time I went to visit her in Brampton and wanted some private time with her. However, she insisted that I have to meet her girl buddies. For the morning, I ended up seeing a movie that I've seen prior just to "save" one of her girl friend from an unwanted date with another guy. After the movie, she forced me to go to another girl friend house. I ended up watching another movie (cam version Simpsons) with her girl friend and her girl friend's 6 year old sister. And that wrapped it for the day. After all, I enjoyed that day but was curious why she wanted me to meet all her friends.


My mood swing is too great: at some point I want to break up, but after a nap or few hours, I'd change my mind 180 degree.

At this point I'd rather stay single but I'm afraid that I would regret my decision - I'm always hot tempered and rush things before I realize what they are.

thanks


Talk to her, commuicate about the problems. If she doesn't want to work at it..dump her.

I've a girl like this before who doesn't seem to want to put any effort or just doesn't know how put effort into a relationship. It just drags on and on and it drains out all your energy.


Oh yeah, go out and try to meet some new friends!!!

[thesk8man]

... obviously your not happy ... do what makes you happy thats it ... not that hard really sit down turn off your monitor and take a deep breath ... relax ... breath ... think what makes you happy ... now once you know what makes you happy go ahead and do those things.

also note that what makes you happy and satisfied is only your business and no one elses and also it should be private ... just dont be stuck in the middle should i or shouldn't i ....

happiness, satisfaction, love, hunger, thirst, they are part of life and your needs just fullfill them. and act responsively, ethicaly and morally. dont do what you wouldn't want done to you ... so all is good =0)

[aKiu]

Since I've been in a relationship for four years now, and I've dated my gf from high school into university, I can definitely relate to what you're saying. As a matter of fact, I've gone through the same thing plenty of times.

Don't worry, you don't need to see a shrink, nor do you have 'serious issues', as the other people on this forum are saying. Otherwise, me and almost all my other friends in long distance relationships are also in need of serious help *rolls eyes*. You're not as alone as you think when you feel like this.

I came to the same conclusion at first of why I was being so anti-social: it's gotta be because I have a girlfriend. But that's not true at all. For me, it was just an excuse I made so I didn't have to deal with the fear of meeting new people. So what my advice for you is to just relax, don't worry about meeting people, and let things happen. Don't think about it too much, or you'll rationalize and get scared and end up not talking to anyone.

If opportunities arise to talk to people, push it out of you. You obviously sound like someone who didn't used to have troubles talking to strangers, so just make small talk ie. what school are you from, what program are you in, how do you enjoy it so far.

Also, about your relationship with this girl, I went through the EXACT same thing. I was afraid I was just settling and didn't really like this girl and thought that maybe there is something out there better for me.

What you have to do is make a decision now, a serious decision. If you stay with your girlfriend, you are basically pledging your loyalty to her, and will have to make a few sacrifices. Sometimes you'll have to miss that amazing house party, or skip out on the temptation and say no to that girl who wants to go eat dinner with you so badly. Your career will also be slowed, as with long distance relationships, there will be fights, and you'll have to deal with the fights as opposed to being able to study everything you wanted for that exam the next day.

If you break up with her, you will gain all those above I said: ambition, social life, more partying, more drinking. But you will lose out on what it feels to be truly happy.

The road I chose? I stayed with my girlfriend. I had regrets in first year and second year. But to be honest with you, partying, meeting girls and messing around is fun at first, but at the end of the day (or when you wake up in the morning), you still feel empty inside and hollow, because you learn that people walk around with masks, and they're all superficial. You lose out on the deep connections and forget what it feels like to be TRULY happy. (you might also gain deep connections too but that's a chance you take. In my opinion (and is only my opinion, don't take this as fact), the people that feel that happiness is making as many friends as possible and partying as much as possible simply haven't had a girlfriend whom they really connect with yet. There is nothing more satisfying than going home and knowing you have someone who you can always confide in and will always be there for you.

At this stage, I have no regrets. Sure, I may not be getting the highest marks, or I may not be 'optimizing' on my university life (sleeping with as many girls as possible, going to as many parties), or making the most out of my opportunities for career development, but I've gained something I value more than all that, which is companionship, and a deep connection with somebody that is not worth losing.

I'm not saying my road is the right road... you have to evaluate how good you and your girlfriend really are. But I hope sharing with you my personal thoughts and feelings when I went through what you went through will help you better decide.

Just know that you're definitely not the first to feel this way. Sorry for the very long post, but this is a subject which did affect me deeply. ;)

[danfromwaterloo]

I'm in a relationship with a girl I met back in the summer. Now I'm in university, although it's wrong but sometimes I feel my relationship as a block to my new social life. I see it as a comfort zone where I can relax and fall back without having the urge or need to meet new people, and I think it's not healthy for me this way.

I'm normally not a outgoing person, the only reason I got my gf is that I basically became another person for the summer due to my frustration and desperation. Right now I'm settled and lost the energy I had in the summer to go out and talk to everyone, make friends, and start random conversations. It's a very bad timing since I'm just beginning my new four years of experience and the first year is the most precious time to make friends.

Out of 4 days of Frosh, I skipped two days and locked myself in my room. I don't know what to do. If I had my energy like I did back in the summer, I would be going wild and crazy with people right now instead of locking myself up.

Any expert advice out there so I can recover and transform?

Turkey dump time.

[grant]

Nickia how did you get the energy during the summer?? Why did it go away? Maybe it's as simple as a mental adjustment to put you back in that zone.

personally i think talking to your girl over MSN is as smelly as a cat's ass. you should be seeing her in person! or at least on the phone if anything. Electronic interaction is way too sterile for someone you're supposed to have deep emotions for. Save your typing time for losers like me on RFD that you don't wanna boink.