Interesting article on Co-Sleeping [Archive]

Bees

Mar 22nd, 2007, 09:48 AM

We coslept with our dd, pretty much from the night she was brought home. She did not like her bassinett, and I was far too fearful of SIDS to have her in her crib in another room. So, into our bed she went with us. We have no regrets about doing this. Now, she is about 17 months old, and we have given her our old queen size bed, put siderails up, and are working on getting her to sleep there exclusively. Yep, I heard all the "you'll be so sorry" stories, but to me and DH, cosleeping is what help us get through all this change--with baby. We all learned how to sleep together, and have been a very happy family unit for it. Our dd is quite a confident child, and in addition, I subscribed to attachment parenting theory. This went hand in hand with the cosleeping, I believe.

Cosleeping is not for everyone, and I am not one to push it on anyone. But I certainly have felt and see the benefits of it. Yes, I did read the Dr. Sears books, and follow advice from there often. Anyone who asks me, I will tout the benefits of it, and we will gladly do this when we have our next child. In the end, each family needs to do what is best FOR THEM. I have learned to let the advice usually go in one ear, and out the other...especially from my inlaws.;) Yep, I know my dh will probably read this, and likely would agree w/me.

All the best to all in whatever you all choose to do.

Bees.

Diamondog

Mar 22nd, 2007, 09:59 AM

My wife and I co-slept from day one too! We love it, so does the baby, made feedings very simple.....we put her into her own crib at 6 months where she sleeps now and there was no problem making the transition (however she is having some sleep problems currently, whole other topic). One thing our midwife pointed out to us about co-sleeping which we found very interesting is, there is a lot more co-sleeping in European and other countries and they have MUCH lower rates of SIDS than we do here in NA where co-sleeping is frowned upon.

Toronto

Mar 22nd, 2007, 11:54 AM

Very interesting and long read, and I have forwarded it to my wife. My son doesn't really like sleeping in his crib and we've notices he wakes waaay more often than if he's in bed with us.

Out of curiosity, what does DD and DH stand for?
Edit: Just found an entire thread on the abbreviations!

getmail99

Mar 22nd, 2007, 02:15 PM

Co-sleeping, 101 % agree. Especially essential for BF (Breast Feeding, not Boy Friend ;) ) mother.

Bees

Mar 22nd, 2007, 03:27 PM

Co-sleeping, 101 % agree. Especially essential for BF (Breast Feeding, not Boy Friend ;) ) mother.

Here, here! I agree!:D

Bees.

shoppingmama

Mar 23rd, 2007, 01:21 AM

We never owned a crib, our babies slept with us from day one until they were 2-3 years old then went in their own beds (we did the extended breastfeeding too)

I love Dr. Sears. Co-Sleeping was a wonderful time for our family, I miss those days!

canadiankorean

Mar 23rd, 2007, 11:53 AM

mrcantrell

Mar 23rd, 2007, 12:46 PM

We met with a pediatrician on Tuesday for the first time.
She asked us if the baby slept in the bed with us.
We said yes.
Immediately, she said Stop it. Not even in a nice way.
Rudely she said you must stop it. The chances of SIDs is much higher, the baby won't learn how to sleep properly and blah blah.
She was fairly young and pregnant too.

This article is a great read.
Thx!

When I told our Doctor that the kid was sleeping in the bed with us she said 'I did that too' and that was the end of the discussion. She has 2 kids.

Diamondog

Mar 23rd, 2007, 02:40 PM

We met with a pediatrician on Tuesday for the first time.
She asked us if the baby slept in the bed with us.
We said yes.
Immediately, she said Stop it. Not even in a nice way.
Rudely she said you must stop it. The chances of SIDs is much higher, the baby won't learn how to sleep properly and blah blah.
She was fairly young and pregnant too.

This article is a great read.
Thx!

Just about all of them say that...it's nonsense especially when you look at countries (European) that have high rates of co-sleeping...guess what they have much lower rates of SIDS than North America...anything to it? I think so....

lint

Mar 23rd, 2007, 05:27 PM

Just about all of them say that...it's nonsense especially when you look at countries (European) that have high rates of co-sleeping...guess what they have much lower rates of SIDS than North America...anything to it? I think so....

do you have any links to statistics? That article is mostly anecdotal, and I would like to do some research.

Spidey

Mar 23rd, 2007, 05:36 PM

gmark2000

Mar 23rd, 2007, 05:50 PM

My question on this is how can you have any fun in the bed with your wife if you have a kid sleeping next to you
You just do it quietly.

Spidey

Mar 23rd, 2007, 05:52 PM

You just do it quietly.

Whats the fun in that. One position basically with the lights off :confused:

canadiankorean

Mar 23rd, 2007, 07:19 PM

My question on this is how can you have any fun in the bed with your wife if you have a kid sleeping next to you

You don't have to have fun only in the bed at night...

Spidey

Mar 23rd, 2007, 07:24 PM

You don't have to have fun only in the bed at night...

I know that, but after a couple kids its the only refuge you have left. Plus having a kid there takes away from the "spur of the moment" stuff

D-Roc

Mar 23rd, 2007, 08:27 PM

We never did this either. Never saw any benefit. Especially when I see those tired parents (more than us) as they complain that they keep getting woken up in the middle of the night and are up far to early in the morning.

Ours turned out great and her sleeping habits were awesome. By 3 months she was sleeping through the night.

gemstone

Mar 23rd, 2007, 09:17 PM

We never started this at all. We had them in a bassenet in our room for the first 2 weeks, then into a crib. Everything worked out fine

We have friends that did this, all 3 kids were sleeping with them. Dont know how the hell they handled that

My question on this is how can you have any fun in the bed with your wife if you have a kid sleeping next to you

I was wondering when someone would bring that up because I was curious myself. Ours slept in our bed only after they woke up during the night from day 1 so we compromised on the co-sleeping.

Our oldest 3 would climb in at night, one on each side and our daughter would be across the bottom of the bed. I have no idea how we never kicked her off or if we did, she never mentioned it. Parental instinct, I guess. I don't even know why she was always the one that ended up there. Thought asking may cause trouble so I left it alone. We rarely woke up when they came in, at least not enough to disturb our sleep. We had to stop it when I was 7 months pregnant with our fourth. Just no room and fear for the baby when it arrived otherwise who knows how long they would have slept with us. It just seemed natural. Luckily it only took 4 nights to keep them in their own beds and no whining just getting up and putting them back in their own beds.

JuNGleR72

Mar 26th, 2007, 12:46 PM

The first month after bringing home my son, he slept in a crib.
After that he would'nt sleep it in anymore..
I guess it was too small for him because he rolled around ALOT..

We then put him on a double mattress with proctective add on walls and he slept like a lil piggy.

We did have to sleep in the same room with him for about a 1 yr but now he sleeps all by himself with no hassles.. He's 2 now btw.

volan

Mar 27th, 2007, 01:01 PM

Spidey

Mar 27th, 2007, 01:04 PM

We kept our baby in a bassinet in our room for 1 month and then moved him into his own crib in his own room. He turned out great.

What I'm about to say is going to be controversial, but please keep in mind that these are just my opinions. Nobody else has to buy into them and please don't flame me.

Just for the record I don't have a high opinion of Dr. Sears' methods. I'm not a fan of attachment parenting, I believe it requires way too much energy on the part of the parent and does nothing for the child.

From my reading Im not a fan of attachment parenting either. very draining on a parent and a couple. Sometimes parents need time away from their kids

Ive seen couples that have done this, and they are hauling the kid in their arms all day too. Doing housework, on the phone, etc. They have the child in their arm because they fuss when they arent held

Plus I think it makes the kids very dependant and makes them behave shy in public situations with other children

Ill get flamed for this I know, but the term "mommas boy" comes to mind.

Diamondog

Mar 27th, 2007, 01:10 PM

Spidey

Mar 27th, 2007, 01:25 PM

Didn't know what attachment parenting was, read the 7B's and have been fully practicing them without knowing....wouldn't have it any other way...too much work give me a break this isn't a puppy....too dependent...heaven forbid a baby is dependent upon their parents and slowly raised with a sense of independence.....You'd find I'm sure the "medical professionals" would be against this type of parenting and this style definately suits the philosophies of midwives and those who use a holistic approach.

What type of parenting are you talking about though. Everyone has different parenting styles. There are no instructions on whats right or wrong.

Plus as for the break thing if you think getting away for your kids refers to them as dogs your reading into it more. Heaven forbid the parents get away for their kids once in awile for a night out to keep their marriage more than just their chidren. You dont do that and after the kids are gone, what do you have in commmon anymore.

And sometimes kids need a break from their parents too be themselves. I notice how different kids play when parents are there and when they arent.

Diamondog

Mar 27th, 2007, 02:48 PM

What type of parenting are you talking about though. Everyone has different parenting styles. There are no instructions on whats right or wrong.

Plus as for the break thing if you think getting away for your kids refers to them as dogs your reading into it more. Heaven forbid the parents get away for their kids once in awile for a night out to keep their marriage more than just their chidren. You dont do that and after the kids are gone, what do you have in commmon anymore.

And sometimes kids need a break from their parents too be themselves. I notice how different kids play when parents are there and when they arent.

This is what I was refering to http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130300.asp the 7 B's

Nowhere did I say it's not ok to take a break from the kids and notice this style of parenting is listed for INFANTS.

The puppy comment was taking exception to the comment above by Volan: "I'm not a fan of attachment parenting, I believe it requires way too much energy on the part of the parent"

Spidey

Mar 27th, 2007, 02:51 PM

This is what I was refering to http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130300.asp

Nowhere did I say it's not ok to take a break from the kids and notice this style of parenting is listed for INFANTS

I read that it was for infants. I still disagree with it. Does it make it wrong or right no. I just disagree with it. I think doing it as infants make it harder for them to be more independant when their older.

Never did I say it was wrong to bond with your child. I played with my kids tons when they were little. I just never slept with them or carried them around all the time

volan

Mar 27th, 2007, 08:16 PM

I read that it was for infants. I still disagree with it. Does it make it wrong or right no. I just disagree with it. I think doing it as infants make it harder for them to be more independant when their older.

Never did I say it was wrong to bond with your child. I played with my kids tons when they were little. I just never slept with them or carried them around all the time

I completely agree with you. My wife and I have a very close bond with our son and we hope to with our 2nd (on the way), but I believe that rocking a baby to sleep every night and everytime he wakes up, or having the baby sleep with you is not the answer, it leads to parents being sleep deprived and a sleep deprived parent is one who may "lose it".

There's a book called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child", which we used as a guide. I think that what the author says in that book makes a lot of sense.

I didn't post here to argue with people about the "better" way of bringing up a child. Everyone has a different way of living life and everyone has a different parenting style. If my parenting style does not meet with anyone's approval then let's agree to disagree and leave it at that. I just wanted to have my opinion heard.

sdm242

Mar 28th, 2007, 10:53 AM

I completely agree with you. My wife and I have a very close bond with our son and we hope to with our 2nd (on the way), but I believe that rocking a baby to sleep every night and everytime he wakes up, or having the baby sleep with you is not the answer, it leads to parents being sleep deprived and a sleep deprived parent is one who may "lose it".
.

Just wanted to say that cosleeping with my children did not lead to me being sleep deprived. Because I was breastfeeding, cosleeping allowed me to have MORE sleep than if they had been in their own beds/rooms.

llbgal

Mar 28th, 2007, 01:36 PM

Just wanted to say that cosleeping with my children did not lead to me being sleep deprived. Because I was breastfeeding, cosleeping allowed me to have MORE sleep than if they had been in their own beds/rooms.

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are also studies showing that children who co-sleep are MORE independent! We co-slept with ds -- first it was me and hime on a double futon mattress beside the bed... then just he slept on that mattress and then we moved him at around 3 to his own room. Never had any fights/episodes. The only time he wakes us now is bad dreams.

I currently co-sleep with my dd. I have read articles (don't have the links handy but can likely re-find) that co-sleeping LOWERS chance of SIDS b/c baby regulates to mama's breathing/heart rate!

Bottom line however is that parents need to choose what is right for them! We were co-sleeping and doing a lot of AP with our child before I even knew it had a name! For us, it just felt right!

setell

Mar 29th, 2007, 03:54 PM

sorry but I am completely lost. What is SIDs?

Btw I agree with spidey there that I'm not willing to give up any "fun" you can have at night if your son/daughter is sleeping with you. I'm not a parent but co-sleeping would not be a thing for me but I find carrying the baby everywhere will spoil the child a lot too. I used to carry my brother (he's 10 years younger) as a infant with me everywhere since he was my only brother and well I wanted him to be treated like a true baby of the family. This led to him needing me to be next to him to nap, he won't sleep if I wasn't next time and whole bunch of other very needy personality traits. So as a young girl I was his second momma since I was with him more than my mom. My mom's ideas was not to get him too dependent or he won't learn. I still wonder if I "babied" him too much since he was afraid of the dark for YEARS (past age 10)! afraid of a lot of things and well even as a toddler he was afraid of ants!:-0 Thank god he's a lot better now since he's growned a lot over the past couple of years but he's still very much a "momma's boy". By the way I am by no means saying co-sleeping and bring your child with you is bad etc. since I am just giving my personal experience on how I've sorta participated in raising my brother.

Sorry but how do you ladies breastfeed on the bed? do you just um feed your child while you're half asleep? (the whole image of whipping out your breasts and feeding your child comes to my mind)

Spidey

Mar 29th, 2007, 04:14 PM

another problem I found with parents I knwo that had their kids sleep with them is their kids wouldnt sleep without them.

So when it was bedtime they would have to leave for that half hour or more to go lay down with their kids so they fell asleep.

Saw it a lot when we went campinga and the mom or dad had to leave for a long time to get their kids to sleep. Ours we just put into their beds and they fell asleep on their own.

As for the having fun in bed while their kids are there. No one has yes to let me know how they do it

sdm242

Mar 29th, 2007, 04:33 PM

As for the having fun in bed while their kids are there. No one has yes to let me know how they do it

Somehow we managed...enough to have another kid at least :) We just used a part of the bed that the baby wasn't sleeping on. Or we'd do it someplace other than the bedroom (which caused us to get more creative :) ) It really wasn't that difficult and our sex life did not suffer from cosleeping. As they got older (12+months), we moved the kids onto a mattress on the floor in our room-never had to worry about disturbing them because they were sound sleepers.

Spidey

Mar 29th, 2007, 04:37 PM

Somehow we managed...enough to have another kid at least :) We just used a part of the bed that the baby wasn't sleeping on. Or we'd do it someplace other than the bedroom (which caused us to get more creative :) ) It really wasn't that difficult and our sex life did not suffer from cosleeping.

But just managed. And im sure it was with the lights off, all quite and low movement. Shhhh not so loud, the babies sleeping.

Sorry not for me, master bedroom is for the adult only. That being the main reason.

davecanada

Mar 29th, 2007, 09:06 PM

But just managed. And im sure it was with the lights off, all quite and low movement. Shhhh not so loud, the babies sleeping.

Sorry not for me, master bedroom is for the adult only. That being the main reason.

If he's asleep in our bedroom we have a living room, kitchen, hallway, bathroom.

If he's napping in his crib, we have our bed.

There was a book called goodnights about the advantages of cosleeping, helped us sleep through the night rather than have to keep getting up when he was in his own room.

http://www.amazon.com/Good-Nights-Parents-Family-Peaceful/dp/0312275188

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/flower.asp

And statistics on reduction in SIDS with cosleeping:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=11245994&dopt=Abstract/

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/8035/sidsgraphih0.th.gif (http://img249.imageshack.us/my.php?image=sidsgraphih0.gif)

sdm242

Mar 30th, 2007, 07:36 AM

But just managed. And im sure it was with the lights off, all quite and low movement. Shhhh not so loud, the babies sleeping.

Sorry not for me, master bedroom is for the adult only. That being the main reason.

It wasn't like that all. There are a lot of us that did/do cosleep and I think your assumption that none of us have a good sex life is wrong. I'm sure it may be a problem for some, but for us it never hindered us. LIke I said before, I think it may have even helped us as it caused us to become more creative at times!

Obviously we just have different views of parenting, I have no problem with that. But I do have a problem with you assuming things that aren't true. Until you've tried it, don't knock it.

getmail99

Mar 30th, 2007, 09:56 AM

And statistics on reduction in SIDS with cosleeping:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=11245994&dopt=Abstract/

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/8035/sidsgraphih0.th.gif (http://img249.imageshack.us/my.php?image=sidsgraphih0.gif)

Very good, I read about benefits of cosleeping over SIDS sometimes ago and good to see you provide a link, thanks.

However, with the influence from the western culture, I think less and less people in Hong Kong, and Beijing, the two places where they have the lowest SIDS on your chart are doing cosleeping.

Usually cosleeping goes with breast feeding, I don't know if this research or other researches also account for the benefit of breast feeding and cosleeping at the same time. Again, less and less people in Asia doing breast feeding now.

llbgal

Apr 3rd, 2007, 02:33 PM

I stumbled across this article http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12893485/site/newsweek/from/ET/
abd thought it was interesting to share w/ all those "Ferberites"... to me it makes me happy to see others reconsidering their stance!

volan

Apr 4th, 2007, 06:28 PM

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/8035/sidsgraphih0.th.gif (http://img249.imageshack.us/my.php?image=sidsgraphih0.gif)

Charts like this tend to generate more questions than they answer. For example if we look at Hungary and Copenhagen. Copenhagen has a higher percentage of co-sleeping than Hungary, yet Copenhagen as a 200% higher incidence rate of SIDS.

More interesting, look at Hong Kong and Sweden. In Sweden there are more than 50% more co-sleepers than Hong Kong, yet Sweden has 200% more incidences of SIDS

What are they doing in Hong Kong that they're not doing in Sweden that is reducing the occurance of SIDS so dramatically when compared to Sweden.

Also, where is the graph that shows the number of babies suffocated by sleeping with their parents? The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) states that co-sleeping puts babies at risk of suffocation and strangulation. The AAP Also states that co-sleeping may increase the risk of SIDS

The Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) warns of the dangers of allowing a baby to sleep in an adult bed. Soft mattresses, pillows, and blankets are all dangers to a baby.

getmail99

Apr 4th, 2007, 09:22 PM

What are they doing in Hong Kong that they're not doing in Sweden that is reducing the occurance of SIDS so dramatically when compared to Sweden.

May be less vaccine or different vaccine schedule, breast feeding or Chinese food ;) .

The AAP Also states that co-sleeping may increase the risk of SIDS

Based on what, it seems that researchs show the other way.

http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/sleep/mckenna.html

The Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) warns of the dangers of allowing a baby to sleep in an adult bed. Soft mattresses, pillows, and blankets are all dangers to a baby.

This is not co-sleeping. This is "allowing a baby to sleep in an adult bed".

volan

Apr 5th, 2007, 12:15 AM

May be less vaccine or different vaccine schedule, breast feeding or Chinese food ;) . Could be, or could be something else. Anything said here would be pure speculation.

Based on what, it seems that researchs show the other way.

http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/sleep/mckenna.html
Lots of articles on the 'net arguing both for and against co-sleeping. Interestingly in this article the author encompasses a lot of different sleeping arrangements under the umbrella of co-sleeping.

This is not co-sleeping. This is "allowing a baby to sleep in an adult bed".Maybe we need to define co-sleeping. In my mind co-sleeping is having your baby in bed with you. If that is what co-sleepers are doing then pillows, blankets, etc. are definitely an issue.

dealguy2

Apr 5th, 2007, 12:52 AM

I heard from a nurse that co-sleeping is really bad. Easy to rollover on your little one.

getmail99

Apr 5th, 2007, 01:00 AM

Interestingly in this article the author encompasses a lot of different sleeping arrangements under the umbrella of co-sleeping.

Maybe we need to define co-sleeping. In my mind co-sleeping is having your baby in bed with you. If that is what co-sleepers are doing then pillows, blankets, etc. are definitely an issue.

One cannot just jumps into the driver seat and says he/her is driving. One needs license and insurance to drive.

Co-sleeping is not just having your baby in bed with you. Co-sleepers must make sure the environment is safe before sleeping with the baby. If the parents just sleeping with the baby without knowing the safety issue, the parents are just sleeping with the baby, they are not real co-sleeping.

Yes, there are different sleeping arrangements from different cultures and also the age of the baby.