When is the right time to give "The Talk" ?

[AzN_RiverdaleCI]

so...when is the right time to give your kids "The Talk" ?

for those of you don't know what im talking about, here let me give an example.

"Son/Daughter, when a man, loves a woman and vice versa, they develop feelings...." and it goes on like that or something.

[boogers_]

I think I was told at the age of 5...

or was it 7?

[Freak]

so...when is the right time to give your kids "The Talk" ?

for those of you don't know what im talking about, here let me give an example.

"Son/Daughter, when a man, loves a woman and vice versa, they develop feelings...." and it goes on like that or something.

Well...I was never told. I learned via friends, playboy and just curiosity. Now with my kids I don't want the same to happen because it can be really awkward. Since I have 2 girls (and unless we have a 3rd that happens to be a boy) I will be leaving the job to the wife...and will probably recommend that we/she has it around the time the oldest turns 12/13 years old.

[CSR]

You mean sex?

They learn that at school in gr. 5/6.

[Jucius Maximus]

You mean sex?

They learn that at school in gr. 5/6.

I think this is about the right time to go into depth. It's when they start getting into puberty and they can actually relate to what you're telling them.

I know it was about grade 6 when I started to be interested in girls.

Though I think it's reasonable to go into the some of the basics before that.

Even at age 5-6 I think they should know that the baby comes from the loving mother mother, she needs the father to help, etc.

But then again... I'm not a parent... so what do I know? ;)

[Xax]

We plan to answer questions honestly as they come. I'm not sure it will ever be necessary to sit them down and have a long drawn-out talk about things; by the time they're old enough, I'm thinking there will have been plenty of questions asked and answered.

[CSK'sMom]

We plan to answer questions honestly as they come. I'm not sure it will ever be necessary to sit them down and have a long drawn-out talk about things; by the time they're old enough, I'm thinking there will have been plenty of questions asked and answered.

That is exactly what we have done. It certainly helped that we lived on a working farm for a number of years. Great segways happened thanks to raising livestock. ;) Our kids have pretty much always understood the "mechanics", even in JK/SK. Hard not to when they are helping to deliver calves or artificially inseminate cows. We have always truthfully answered any other related questions with age appropriate answers and expanded the conversations where warranted.

Personally, I believe it's an ongoing conversation that needs to start early. Long before puberty, for sure. Kids today are not like we were as kids. They see so much in the media. Our own daughter is almost 12 and there are girls in her grade 6 class that dress like 19 yr olds heading to the bar! :-0 The MSN names are pretty raunchy as well. The kids seem to be trying to grow up faster then we ever did... :confused:

[gorf]

Part of this may be a bit off topic, but give only as much information as a child will understand, no big lectures from A to Z cuz you'll lose them. When the questions start coming, then start answering, every child is different. You may have a 4 year old asking and they don't need much to satisfy their curiosity where as an older child should be able to absorb more. They don't need to know the mechanics of insemination at an early age, but by grade 2,3,4 you have to be careful because there's alot of kids that do know so the information is better coming from a parent.

Now, one thing that people should always do is call the body parts by their proper names, not make up some fluffy stuff. eg. A penis is a penis and a vagina is a vagina. This plays into the sexual abuse arena, kids have to know what the body parts are, and that certain parts are private and that no one should be touching them there or doing anything that will make them feel uncomfortable. Depending on the age of the child and when they start asking the questions, you may be able to touch on both areas at the same time. I really feel they have to be aware of this type information by the time they start school.

[metro]

Our own daughter is almost 12 and there are girls in her grade 6 class that dress like 19 yr olds heading to the bar! :-0 The MSN names are pretty raunchy as well. The kids seem to be trying to grow up faster then we ever did... :confused:

judging by that you have to live in WELLAND haha

[CSK'sMom]

Nope Metro, it does say Niagara Falls for my location doesn't it? ;)

[3weddings]

Personally, I believe it's an ongoing conversation that needs to start early. Long before puberty, for sure. Kids today are not like we were as kids. They see so much in the media. Our own daughter is almost 12 and there are girls in her grade 6 class that dress like 19 yr olds heading to the bar! :-0 The MSN names are pretty raunchy as well. The kids seem to be trying to grow up faster then we ever did... :confused:

I agree....we are quite open here about all of it, and my dd's know they can ask.
I have to admit though my oldest has for two years in a row conveniently been 'sick' when it's been addressed at school. I am thrilled it embarrasses her!!

So many little girls are growing up so fast these days, I blame the lack of supervision and internet access on that.

I plan to educate them, but continue to relish in their innocence!

[CSK'sMom]

So many little girls are growing up so fast these days, I blame the lack of supervision and internet access on that.

I plan to educate them, but continue to relish in their innocence!

This has definitely been our experience with our daughter's classmates! The ones we have had experiences with their parents especially. They have no idea what their kids are doing at school, at home or on the net. I regularly go through all our kids MSN logs as well as their friends lists. When I see 12 yr old's using names like "I like to give BJ and swallow" I am mortified and baffled at the same time. Where are the parents and why don't they know their kids are behaving in such a way? :confused: :mad:

[metro]

Nope Metro, it does say Niagara Falls for my location doesn't it? ;)

lot of Wellander's put NF or say they are from NF to avoid ridicule from people hahaha. I live in toronto now but believe me when people ask where i grew up I say NF instead of Welland! haha

I heard a sex trade worker was found murdered in Vineland... 5th one in a while... I remember they found a womans body off in PT robinson between NF and Welland by that hells angels HQ.

[rekearb]

This has definitely been our experience with our daughter's classmates! The ones we have had experiences with their parents especially. They have no idea what their kids are doing at school, at home or on the net. I regularly go through all our kids MSN logs as well as their friends lists. When I see 12 yr old's using names like "I like to give BJ and swallow" I am mortified and baffled at the same time. Where are the parents and why don't they know their kids are behaving in such a way? :confused: :mad:

isn't this kinda invading your kid's privacy? if your kid finds out what you been doing, they wont EVER trust you again.

[skyblue12]

back in grade 5/6 health class we learned about it in school and everybody would just laugh hysterically at the sight of an *AHEM* you-kno-what. i think my parents actually started talking to me about it in grade 9/10, not like.. sitting down talking about sex, but just about the consequences of it and stuff like that.

[abc123]

I've never had a "talk" with my parents before... and was giggly about the topic throughout all the years that we had to learn about it in school. I wouldn't call myself knowledgeble on this topic, but I know enough to decide what choice is right and what choice is wrong. I'd say that it's best to be straightforward about the topic, but just don't bore your children.


Personally, I believe it's an ongoing conversation that needs to start early. Long before puberty, for sure. Kids today are not like we were as kids. They see so much in the media. Our own daughter is almost 12 and there are girls in her grade 6 class that dress like 19 yr olds heading to the bar! :-0 The MSN names are pretty raunchy as well. The kids seem to be trying to grow up faster then we ever did... :confused:

I'd say that media has played an awfully large part on this influence... I'm not really shocked by tweens'/childrens' choice of clothes, after I pass by the stores where they purchase their clothings. I personally feel embarassed passing by those stores myself, as a lot of the clothes are skimpier than things I even wear!

[CSK'sMom]

isn't this kinda invading your kid's privacy? if your kid finds out what you been doing, they wont EVER trust you again.

Let's put it this way rekearb.... My house, my computer, my rules. All 3 of our kids know that all MSN conversations are logged and can be looked at at any time. They also know that every web page is logged and can be seen at any time. Internet access is a privledge in this house that is closely monitored.

Now to put this in perspective, we are talking about a soon to be 12 year old girl. She is not allowed to have anyone on her friends list that she doesn't physically know from either the neighborhood or from school. There are just way too many pervs out there preying on young kids these day, think NBC's To Catch a Predator. Our daughter will not be one of them! I look at her MSN logs routinely and she knows it...

[abc123]

Let's put it this way rekearb.... My house, my computer, my rules. All 3 of our kids know that all MSN conversations are logged and can be looked at at any time. They also know that every web page is logged and can be seen at any time. Internet access is a privledge in this house that is closely monitored.

Now to put this in perspective, we are talking about a soon to be 12 year old girl. She is not allowed to have anyone on her friends list that she doesn't physically know from either the neighborhood or from school. There are just way too many pervs out there preying on young kids these day, think NBC's To Catch a Predator. Our daughter will not be one of them! I look at her MSN logs routinely and she knows it...

Well if your daughter knowingly knows that her converstaions are logged, and that every web page she views is logged, I would not consider that an invasion of privacy :)

[Xax]

I gotta go with CSK'sMom here, particularly if her kids know they're being monitored. Far better to have a child resent the parent for encroaching on their privacy than for the parents to turn a blind eye. Kids can get around parents and go behind their backs, but that doesn't absolve parents of doing their jobs. Kids are responsible for their choices, but then, so are parents.

[CSK'sMom]

abc, our 15 and soon to be 18yr old boys also have the same conditions for internet usage. We wouldn't let them wander the streets at all hrs with no supervision and the internet is no different IMO...

[rekearb]

abc, our 15 and soon to be 18yr old boys also have the same conditions for internet usage. We wouldn't let them wander the streets at all hrs with no supervision and the internet is no different IMO...

you dont think 18 is a little old to still be monitoring? i dunno about your kids but im 18 and i would HATE to have strict parents like you. It'll just make me less likely to tell you stuff when i really do have problems. thats just my opinion. 12 years old is understandable though


but, like you said, your house, your rules, your kids =)

[CSK'sMom]

rekearb, it's just always been this way since the first day we had internet access so our 18 yr old doesn't think anything of it. He knows I've seen the porn sites in the logs. I'm not a prude, by an stretch, LOL! But at the same time hubby had a chat with both boys regarding the porn and how it wasn't a particularly smart choice as some if it was questionable in our my minds as to age.

We're actually what most would consider fairly liberal parents but we do have expectations for our kids. Not many rules but we do expect the few there are to be followed. All are well adjusted and can and do talk to us about anything and everything. :)

[gorf]

I don't get the point of monitoring an 18yr old, find out they go to porn sites, talk to them about it, and then continue letting them go to porn sites.

[CSK'sMom]

I think you missed the point gorf. My point was/is that if we were not monitoring we wouldn't even know that he was looking at questionable porn. It was an opportunity to have a frank and open discussion that was taken. We made our points and he listened and vice versa. There has not been any porn in the logs since. ;)

I could have made the same point using a friend of his and his and use of internet gambling sites. That poor kid got really deep before finally asking his parents for help. If they had monitored his internet use they would have known what as going on...

[Trooper8111]

When the kid gets more action than you.

[gorf]

I think you missed the point gorf. My point was/is that if we were not monitoring we wouldn't even know that he was looking at questionable porn.

Isn't all porn questionable? :lol:

I guess I just take it for granted that kids will hit those sites sooner or later, either willingly or in error (I've done that) and if parents share their PC's with their kids, they'll know what sites the kids have been hanging out on. Now if they discover that their kids have gone to forbidden sites, what they do with that information depends on the limits and the consequences that have been set for their kids.

[pai]

i guess i have bbeen lucky or just i have been a smart kid
like my paretns dun educate me or make those talks but
imean i started goin on msn and online msger things since 13/14
never had pervs or anything strange talk to me
but i guess i personally dont like making fds with online strangers....

and i have always made the rite choice
but wow 12yrs olds give BJs
that does scare me..

[CSK'sMom]

LOL @ gorf! What scared the crap out of us was that to our eyes, the girls didn't look of age. Hubby had nightmares of the Mounties showing up at our door.

I think you're right, kids will run across it eventually. We all will and do. But I think you are assuming alot when it comes to parents checking and/or monitoring. Every one of our 15 and 18 yr old's friends have their own computers in their bedrooms. We know a lot of the parents fairly well and not one of them check their kids computers. They seem to have the attitude that it's "just the internet", even after one of the circle of friends ended up in Gamblers Anonymous after getting into trouble with online gambling...

[metro]

Let's put it this way rekearb.... My house, my computer, my rules. All 3 of our kids know that all MSN conversations are logged and can be looked at at any time. They also know that every web page is logged and can be seen at any time. Internet access is a privledge in this house that is closely monitored.

Now to put this in perspective, we are talking about a soon to be 12 year old girl. She is not allowed to have anyone on her friends list that she doesn't physically know from either the neighborhood or from school. There are just way too many pervs out there preying on young kids these day, think NBC's To Catch a Predator. Our daughter will not be one of them! I look at her MSN logs routinely and she knows it...

http://www.catchaperv.com/

really scary there are guys out there like that. Also I'd be freaking out about the RCMP coming for me if I were in your husbands shoes about the questionable age of the porn participants. RCMP is really cracking down on that as it seems CP is becoming a much bigger problem due to the perception of laxer laws...

I'm not a parent, and probably half the age of you but I have a lot of respect for you as a parent. I think you have an excellent balance of being liberal (keeping up with the times and the way the world works with kids), being strict, guiding your children into making informed choices and most importantly allowing excellent communication with your kids. fortunately for me my parents were similar in style to you but I have a bunch of friends stuck in welland for the rest of their lives because of bad choices they have made in part by having a lack of quality parenting like yourself. want to adopt some of my friends? actually I dont think you adopt people that are over 21? meh their loss

[CSK'sMom]

I'm not a parent, and probably half the age of you but I have a lot of respect for you as a parent. I think you have an excellent balance of being liberal (keeping up with the times and the way the world works with kids), being strict, guiding your children into making informed choices and most importantly allowing excellent communication with your kids. fortunately for me my parents were similar in style to you but I have a bunch of friends stuck in welland for the rest of their lives because of bad choices they have made in part by having a lack of quality parenting like yourself. want to adopt some of my friends? actually I dont think you adopt people that are over 21? meh their loss

LOL @ Metro! We're not adopting any kids, we're looking forward to getting rid of our own and their friends! LOL!

[Xax]

Hey now, there's nothing wrong with Welland. ;) I lived there for a year, and might move back before too long.

[metro]

Xax are you insane! Its welland (god i cant believe i am talking about welland on RFD...)

Unless you live on the west side its sh|t hole~! sh|thole!

Even the west side is becoming crappy. >:(

i could go on but then id be feeding into the welland cycle of complaining about it...

[TenzoR]

Let's put it this way rekearb.... My house, my computer, my rules. All 3 of our kids know that all MSN conversations are logged and can be looked at at any time. They also know that every web page is logged and can be seen at any time. Internet access is a privledge in this house that is closely monitored.

Now to put this in perspective, we are talking about a soon to be 12 year old girl. She is not allowed to have anyone on her friends list that she doesn't physically know from either the neighborhood or from school. There are just way too many pervs out there preying on young kids these day, think NBC's To Catch a Predator. Our daughter will not be one of them! I look at her MSN logs routinely and she knows it...

No amount of logging, monitoring, and security measures will make you a better parent nor help your child understand the importance of respecting theselves, making the right choice for themselves and so much more.

[Xax]

No amount of logging, monitoring, and security measures will make you a better parent nor help your child understand the importance of respecting theselves, making the right choice for themselves and so much more.
No one is saying that monitoring is a catch-all. It's a tool; not a substitute for parents doing their jobs. What it can do is add an additional layer of protection.

[formalentity]

I don't get the point of monitoring an 18yr old, find out they go to porn sites, talk to them about it, and then continue letting them go to porn sites.

What's wrong with going to porn sites at that age? :/

[TenzoR]

No one is saying that monitoring is a catch-all. It's a tool; not a substitute for parents doing their jobs. What it can do is add an additional layer of protection.

smothering is more like it ... but that's just me and everyone is entitle to their opinion .. the end result will be the same

[Audiogenic]

Depends on the maturity of the child but I would recommend just before they get the verbiage from school so that makes it 9 to 10 years of age.

[Xax]

smothering is more like it ... but that's just me and everyone is entitle to their opinion .. the end result will be the same
Different opinions are great, but monitoring Internet usage = smothering? Ohhh, the oppression! Give me a break.

[gorf]

What's wrong with going to porn sites at that age? :/

I was just questioning the purpose of monitoring when there are no or little consequences.