Wedding Planning - Do Us Guys Have to Help?

[dasteve]

Hey guys,

Just need an opinion on whether us guys have to help with the wedding plans? I find going around to various flower etc shops rather boring! My gf says I'm not being supportive enough and all guys help their women with this task.

It's not us guys that think about that day their whole life!

Just want to see if anyone else had this issue aswell? And did you need to help? I mean I gave her the date, I gave her the budget, and I said it's your project -- do all the work!

Is that no good?

[Ojam]

While it is boring, yes you do have to do it.

[Jazzhound]

With that kind of attitude, it won't be a very blissful matrimony. You have to be supportive above and beyond just throwing money at the 'problem'. She is right to criticise you, imo. Your wedding day is or at least, should be the most important day in both your lives, hitherto. When you have your first child, that will mark a new milestone, etc.

Be more involved, or :twisted:

[Hurk]

You don't have to help if she doesn't want to. If she asks, you have to care and show interest. If she doesn't ask, it's her show, just make sure you show up.

[Kazaam]

Hey guys,

Just need an opinion on whether us guys have to help with the wedding plans? I find going around to various flower etc shops rather boring! My gf says I'm not being supportive enough and all guys help their women with this task.


Isnt she you fiancée? You should address her as so. That, or "Yes Drill Seargent Sir"

[mjl_toronto]

Um, glad to see you're really excited about your own wedding. :rolleyes:

Put it this way, if the two of you are gonna spend $40K+ (give or take a few thousand) on a single day, do you want one person making all the decisions? Put your pants back on and help your fiancee out.

[dasteve]

Jeez thought I'd have a little more support :) Oh well... I just got in from a business trip to Calcutta India and I'm fairly tired with jet lag. What a pain--I just want to rest for a bit. She doesn't understand that :( I would probably be more interested if I could sleep normal.

[Ngo_35]

What you need is some queer eye for a straight guy help. Man i watched the show yesterday cause it seemed interesting and BAM! Regular husband guy gets turned into superman with the help from those talented folks. Something about gay guys and their passion for pleasing women.

[Headhunter]

Yeah, you do. The planning won't be thrilling, but the wedding day (and especially the night) will be!

[Rosico]

ha ha ha, me and a couple of other guys I know are going through the same thing. You do need to nod you head and agree with her choices. While there is some truth that it is a special day for both of you, you are bang on in the assertion that most men don't plan for this there entire lives. Or dream of it. Or care about the details in every which way. I'm really lucky because my fiance isn't a bridezilla - I've seen those - nasty! The guys just have this hopeless look on their faces ...

See if you can be in charge of things that you care about (booze at the bar? Stag and Doe? car from the wedding to photos/reception? music? tech stuff? tuxes?)

In the end, you love her, so sacrifice and make her happy. She certainly would do the same for you. :)

[kornstar369]

ha ha ha, me and a couple of other guys I know are going through the same thing. You do need to nod you head and agree with her choices. While there is some truth that it is a special day for both of you, you are bang on in the assertion that most men don't plan for this there entire lives. Or dream of it. Or care about the details in every which way. I'm really lucky because my fiance isn't a bridezilla - I've seen those - nasty! The guys just have this hopeless look on their faces ...

See if you can be in charge of things that you care about (booze at the bar? Stag and Doe? car from the wedding to photos/reception? music? tech stuff? tuxes?)

In the end, you love her, so sacrifice and make her happy. She certainly would do the same for you. :)


AGREED

imnext big guy....its starting...first the promise rings...then.....oh boy

[dasteve]

well at least I'm not the only one! Guess I will have to get my bobble head ready.

[bionicbadger]

Um, glad to see you're really excited about your own wedding. :rolleyes:

Put it this way, if the two of you are gonna spend $40K+ (give or take a few thousand) on a single day, do you want one person making all the decisions? Put your pants back on and help your fiancee out.

Holy crap. You dropped $40K on a wedding? Thats a huge downpayment on a house. A one day party or years off your mortgage, which would you choose? You don't need to spend a ton of money on a wedding, the whole thing has become a big industry and brainwashes women to think they have to spend a bunch of money.

[sfu_lifer]

Hey guys,

Just need an opinion on whether us guys have to help with the wedding plans? I find going around to various flower etc shops rather boring! My gf says I'm not being supportive enough and all guys help their women with this task.

It's not us guys that think about that day their whole life!

Just want to see if anyone else had this issue aswell? And did you need to help? I mean I gave her the date, I gave her the budget, and I said it's your project -- do all the work!

Is that no good?
Not good enough. You're best starting off the correct foot in this marriage. You have to think of her as well. It is mainly her ideas but you have to play along and make an effort. You're gonna have to look at the wedding photos for the rest of your life so you'd better make sure they're in the surroundings you want with the details you want.

[mjl_toronto]

Holy crap. You dropped $40K on a wedding? Thats a huge downpayment on a house. A one day party or years off your mortgage, which would you choose? You don't need to spend a ton of money on a wedding, the whole thing has become a big industry and brainwashes women to think they have to spend a bunch of money.

I know. It hurt in the beginning but afterwards I was okay with it. It could've easily been more but we had to draw the line somewhere.

Honestly, neither of us really wanted to spend that much money on our wedding. We would've preferred a small ceremony followed by a small reception for very close friends. Heck, we would've loved doing a packaged wedding/honeymoon and save thousands but we didn't really have the choice. Both of our parents have lots of relatives and friends and many came from around the world. We were somewhat expected to have a nice wedding to make their trip worthwhile. At least we're not Italian (not meant to be racist). I hear some Italian weddings cost almost double what ours cost!

[synaptech]

Divide up the tasks and let each one of you do the respective research and return to the other with the "Readers Digest" Summary. This way your time is made better use of and you can get out of tasks like flowers and she can leave the bar selection to you :)

One word of wisdom, make your fiance do the math bfore she presents the ideas (and you too)... Many brides seems to loose touch with the dollars. Not saying it has to be cheap, just within your budget...

[Kinki]

That's why a lot of couples ask for "cash" gift only :)

I know. It hurt in the beginning but afterwards I was okay with it. It could've easily been more but we had to draw the line somewhere.

Honestly, neither of us really wanted to spend that much money on our wedding. We would've preferred a small ceremony followed by a small reception for very close friends. Heck, we would've loved doing a packaged wedding/honeymoon and save thousands but we didn't really have the choice. Both of our parents have lots of relatives and friends and many came from around the world. We were somewhat expected to have a nice wedding to make their trip worthwhile. At least we're not Italian (not meant to be racist). I hear some Italian weddings cost almost double what ours cost!

[Ben Jr]

Guys just have to deal with the fact that we are just an accessory to this whole wedding thing. Its not that we don't care about the whole ordeal, we care less about matching tableware, flowers, napkins, chairs, centerpieces, etc etc...
I plan the honeymoon, get the DJ, car rentals, hotels...I honestly care less about which shades of every colour match what.

[Shiifty]

You want her to do ALL of it? You said you've set the budget, that's it? Great work. Dig in, wedding planning takes a ton of effort, you don't just show up and it's done. If you don't want to help, hire a wedding planner. Costs money, but then you don't have to be involved. Let her pick out the flowers, you can help with other stuff (like music), there is a lot to do. Keep her happy for the wedding or you'll never hear the end of it (so I'm told ...).

[mart242]

Here's how we planned our wedding:

went to travel agency, booked trip to jamaica, got married at the hotel with the free wedding package.

No hassle.

[Ripcat]

I'm currently in the midst of planning my wedding for June 4 this year. Anyways, there are lots of wedding planners around, online and at bridal shows etc., heck, my incurance agent even sent us one. The planners will tell you what the bride takes care of and what the groom takes care of.

As for going to flower shops....I didn't have to do that. But I was asked my opinion on colours etc.

But I think you should support your bride as much as possible otherwise she may get all stressed and then the bitchiness starts to set in.....and we don't want that!

[Degenerate]

You simply give your input that's goiing to be rejected anyways. This is just so it looks like you actually give a crap about the whole wedding day when they day was made all for her. She dreamt about this day when she was 5.

[Newt]

I have no idea on the subject, but I think you should be helping out because you want to. It shouldn't be done because it is expected of you!

just my $0.02

[kornstar369]

That's why a lot of couples ask for "cash" gift only :)


that would be the most worthy gift of all....especially if you have all the people you care about comming to your wedding.....their total gift to you and your wife is "paying for the wedding"....gotta love family.

theres so many pre partys anyhow for gifts....stag, shower, engagement, even house warming....its a year long process for the people attending,lol

[itchy]

That's why a lot of couples ask for "cash" gift only :)


people that do that shouldn't have a wedding.. cause that's just tacky.. just like cash bar..

and yes you should help your future wife with all the details of the wedding.. she may not show it, but she's probably going insane with all the planning.. you have no idea how much it takes to put it all together. even if you aren't going to have any input.. just show some moral support and be there with her.

[kornstar369]

people that do that shouldn't have a wedding.. cause that's just tacky.. just like cash bar..



you're right about the "asking" part...thats just wrong and i wouldnt wanna do that to anyone attending my future wedding...someday...




anyone watch TLC (cable 34) ...lol....wedding planning show for under 5 grand i think...thats everything you need...a little ghetto though...

[eelfliw]

Weeding planning is the start of your relationship negotiations as you embark on the road to the rest of your life together with her where there will be many many more negotiations in the future.

Some couples have huge fights over this. Others don't.

It's important to get your issues out to her. Because if you don't, she will take you granted forever.

Yeah, lots of guys say just suck it up.... well, are you going to suck it up for the rest of your life?

If you're interested in marrying her, then you need to put up with some of her shiit. And she will have to put up with some of yours too. Just make sure it's communicated and agreeably equal.

If you can't negotiate even this first project together, you'll have many many more problems down the road.

[Spazmogen]

Yeah, you'd better give an equal hand in this.

Otherwise, you have no gripe if you don't like something about the wedding day.

There's more to getting married than paying for it.

I designed & printed the invitations, made 5 batches of wine, found the golf course for the reception & helped the wife decide on the meal & decorating.

Look on the bright side, at least its one party that you do not have to stay and clean up for ! Even though its your party, you get to leave early and start married life off right ;)

[kornstar369]

i cant wait , to tell you the truth, to get married, i luv kids....until they wake me up at 4 in da mornin.lol.

[89fan]

Here's how we planned our wedding:

went to travel agency, booked trip to jamaica, got married at the hotel with the free wedding package.

No hassle.

That's exactly what we are doing...except maybe St. Lucia instead. What resort did you stay at?

I hate going to weddings they are boring and the food isn't always the greatest!

My Sister in Law married an Italian and they spent around 60-70k on the wedding(this isn't including her 10k engagement ring which she never wears..what a waste of $$$). 40k just for the food alone.

I cannot fathom spending that much $$$ just so that everyone else can have a good time.

[kornstar369]

That's exactly what we are doing...except maybe St. Lucia instead. What resort did you stay at?

I hate going to weddings they are boring and the food isn't always the greatest!

My Sister in Law married an Italian and they spent around 60-70k on the wedding(this isn't including her 10k engagement ring which she never wears..what a waste of $$$). 40k just for the food alone.

I cannot fathom spending that much $$$ just so that everyone else can have a good time.


the money is onsane , yes...but its the memories as well. my g/f wants to be in a horse n buggy....so just imagine wat im in for,lol...oh boy....

[89fan]

the money is onsane , yes...but its the memories as well. my g/f wants to be in a horse n buggy....so just imagine wat im in for,lol...oh boy....

My fiance always jokes that he lucked out with me...all I want is a simple white dress, nice bouquet, white cake(A MUST) and a few pics

That's why we are having a weddingmoon.

Alot of the resorts even have the option of the horse and buggy BUT that is not my style.

I do...I do...and then we're married!

Short, simple, and it's not going to bankrupt us either.
Family and friends have been very supportive as they know we are not the type of couple that would want a wedding!

[Degenerate]

people that do that shouldn't have a wedding..
It's tacky if you're the traditional Canadian born and raised here. For many cultures giving money instead of lame wedding gifts is the norm. Heck I'd prefer you giving me $20 than to give me a $100 gift that I'd hate or will just end up re-gifting.

[kornstar369]

It's tacky if you're the traditional Canadian born and raised here. For many cultures giving money instead of lame wedding gifts is the norm. Heck I'd prefer you giving me $20 than to give me a $100 gift that I'd hate or will just end up re-gifting.

very true.
european culture and tradition.

[Degenerate]

very true.
european culture and tradition.
Asian also.

[Smart88]

Sandrina FLORAL (WOODBRIDGE) - OWNER ROCKY SCREAMED AT ME!! THE WORST I EVEN BEEN!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Went there yesterday to get flowers... this place is NO GOOD!!! SMELL LIKE *****!!!!

flowers are expensive and always being advertised on FM Z 103.5, watch out!!! Your money is not good there...

OWNER ROCKY SCREAMED AT ME FOR NOTHING!!! SUCH A ATTITUDE!!!
WTF!!! I am just paying for flowers...

We discuss an arrangement price and he got upset when i said I cannot afford it... WHAT DID I DO? He said : If you gonna cheaper about flowers then I want nothing to do with you and starts shouting at me!!

People have BUDGETSSS!!!!!!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM!!!

[kornstar369]

Sandrina FLORAL (WOODBRIDGE) - OWNER ROCKY SCREAMED AT ME!! THE WORST I EVEN BEEN!!!

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Went there yesterday to get flowers... this place is NO GOOD!!! SMELL LIKE *****!!!!

flowers are expensive and always being advertised on FM Z 103.5, watch out!!! Your money is not good there...

OWNER ROCKY SCREAMED AT ME FOR NOTHING!!! SUCH A ATTITUDE!!!
WTF!!! I am just paying for flowers...

We discuss an arrangement price and he got upset when i said I cannot afford it... WHAT DID I DO? He said : If you gonna cheaper about flowers then I want nothing to do with you and starts shouting at me!!

People have BUDGETSSS!!!!!!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM!!!

woooow,
i hear the ad on z103 all the time...you should post this everywhere if that is true...thats b.s......of course, we only heard your side of the story...and theres always 2 sides...
maybe just having a bad day?

[Icedawn]

Asian also.

nah.... just came back from a few in HK. Isn't there the whole "lucky money" series of presentations? There was this whole thing where the new couple have to kneel down and receive all these cash gifts from people....

Yeah, was talking about this... don't you usually end up ~even in a asian (well, chinese at least) wedding? That's just what I was told... that the norm at these things is for each guest to give ~100/person, and that usually ends up being enough to pay for the whole thing?

[Degenerate]

nah.... just came back from a few in HK. Isn't there the whole "lucky money" series of presentations? There was this whole thing where the new couple have to kneel down and receive all these cash gifts from people....

Yeah, was talking about this... don't you usually end up ~even in a asian (well, chinese at least) wedding? That's just what I was told... that the norm at these things is for each guest to give ~100/person, and that usually ends up being enough to pay for the whole thing?
In all cases for the Chinese weddings that I've attended it was pretty much $100 per head is generally the rule of thumb. It is true that you collect enough money to pay for your wedding expenses. That I find a little obsurd that you can even make a profit off your wedding. That's exactly what happeend to my friend who got married 2 years ago.

This is going to be my new business. Marry as many women as I can to make a profit :cheesygri

[thelefteyeguy]

In all cases for the Chinese weddings that I've attended it was pretty much $100 per head is generally the rule of thumb. It is true that you collect enough money to pay for your wedding expenses. That I find a little obsurd that you can even make a profit off your wedding. That's exactly what happeend to my friend who got married 2 years ago.

This is going to be my new business. Marry as many women as I can to make a profit :cheesygri

its usually $100 a head...but i budgetted $50 per head...don't want to get my hopes up for nothing.

....by the way...know any places where I can get modern wedding bands...or should I stick with the plain ones?

(sorry to hijack the thread ^_^)

[AudiDude]

At least we're not Italian (not meant to be racist). I hear some Italian weddings cost almost double what ours cost!

#1 - Maybe an Italian wedding may cost more, but you'll make it up in money or REAL gifts (NOT another toaster oven, yes this is a jab at Canadian style weddings)
#2 - I give money, and I resent being given a list of things that you want. This is like me inviting you for a celebration and telling you to bring food for me (but with a specific brand of chips and pop etc). I will give money even if I know nobody else is going to. The money is to help you start a new life. Use it to pay a bill, go on vacation together, buy something you need. If you wanted the plates to go with your dining set you had registered, buy them. Try that with a toaster oven or cheap espresso machine.

[kornstar369]

......At least we're not Italian (not meant to be racist). I hear some Italian weddings cost almost double what ours cost!

they may cost an upward from 25000 to 50000...but thats cause we love to party...with family


#1 - Maybe an Italian wedding may cost more, but you'll make it up in money or REAL gifts (NOT another toaster oven, yes this is a jab at Canadian style weddings).

true...lots of cash...which is the best thing when starting off your life.




#2 - I give money, and I resent being given a list of things that you want. This is like me inviting you for a celebration and telling you to bring food for me (but with a specific brand of chips and pop etc). I will give money even if I know nobody else is going to. The money is to help you start a new life. Use it to pay a bill, go on vacation together, buy something you need. If you wanted the plates to go with your dining set you had registered, buy them. Try that with a toaster oven or cheap espresso machine.
agreed. good points mr. audi

[kingsley]

Whatever you do, don't go cheap on the wedding invitation envelopes!

[doraemi]

as a girl, here's my input

be there when u're wanted...just by being at her side, pointing out things (like this looks better etc) just shows her that you care about this wedding as much as she does. it gives ur fiancee a sense of security that YOU DO WANT TO MARRY HER

and think of it, after a "great wedding", i'm sure she'll give you a "great wedding night" too....you know what i mean.

and i'm sure its "condom - no more" for you too :lol:

[kornstar369]

Whatever you do, don't go cheap on the wedding invitation envelopes!
lol...do you have an experience to share?

[chourica]

I agree Rocky from Sandrina floral is the worst business man ever. They have now moved locations to kleinberg. I am the winner of the 2006 win your dream wedding from z103.5 It was awful working him. Told him what i wanted, he told me it was and ugly idea and refused to do it. I got upset but we finally agreed on it, then when i tried to confirm everything the week before the wedding he said that he had no record of what i wanted, so i had to go over it all again with him. Then the day of the wedding he still changed everything again, and nothing was like what we had talked about. I would never recommend him to anyone, he is absolutley awful to work with. I'm glad i didn't pay him any money.

[CharmyPoo]

My boyfriend's uncle's wife (is that his aunt?) specializes in flowers and decor for weddings. PM if you need someone to help. I am not sure what her prices are like but the end result looks good :)

Should you be helping? Absolutely! Like everyone said, it's your day too. Last thing you want is for her to turn into bridezilla.

[outlier2]

I'm in the middle of this too- married in august. I can understand being tired and also not being thrilled about things like napkins, but marriage is all about compromise. Get used to it. Showing her you are interested in the things that matter to her is important. I usually say things like "they all look pretty good but definitely not that one." That way she still gets to pick and you narrow it down a bit and seem interested. Get more involved with the music, photography or whatever interests you to take the burden off of her. It is a stressful time to plan a big wedding, demonstrating that you are considerate of her is a good start to your new life together.

[Angela V]

If the woman wants your help, it will be easier in the long run to do that. Planning a wedding is not easy. Even though I had a simple wedding ($3,000 including my wedding dress) it took a lot of planning. Hubby and I made a list. We bought fake flowers that looked real and were cheap in bulk. We made our own invitations and our decorations. We also had a luncheon wedding. Got married at 11am and had lunch in the basement of the church (it's set up for functions with a kitchen). Hubby's in stage theatre and the hardest part was picking a date he could have off from work and time so his theatre friends could come. Worked out great for us. We didn't have anything fancy but we had a wedding we wanted. And we'll be married for 10 years this September.

Now having children, that's a hassle! :)
:twisted:

[gorf]

My eldest (24) is engaged and they started planning a wedding. Got as far as family being invited (I think around 40 people) and around $15,000 and tons of hassles from the brides family so they said forget it. I guess they're going to elope now from the sounds of it without the brides family finding out. We'll see what happens, they're planning on next spring. I know my son was not comfortable with the typical wedding and all the frills.

[danfromwaterloo]

Hey guys,

Just need an opinion on whether us guys have to help with the wedding plans? I find going around to various flower etc shops rather boring! My gf says I'm not being supportive enough and all guys help their women with this task.

It's not us guys that think about that day their whole life!

Just want to see if anyone else had this issue aswell? And did you need to help? I mean I gave her the date, I gave her the budget, and I said it's your project -- do all the work!

Is that no good?

Your job is to help, provide opinions and pay.

It's HER day - but your wedding too. If you're expecting to just be given a date and time to show up at, you're mistaken. At my wedding, I did about 40% of the work to get it going. Most guys are probably anywhere between 20-30% of the work.

[Kenny Blankenship]

Your job is to help, provide opinions and pay.

It's HER day - but your wedding too. If you're expecting to just be given a date and time to show up at, you're mistaken. At my wedding, I did about 40% of the work to get it going. Most guys are probably anywhere between 20-30% of the work.

Might be a little late on the advice as the original post is from 2005